Q: Why could the fruits not see anything?
A: It was peach black there.
If mom leaves her alphabet soup on the stove and forgets about it, it would spell disaster.
My friend didn't want to participate in the pick your new hairstyle conference but I convinced him...
He took part.
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
If Russia attacked Turkey from behind do you think Greece would help?
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
When facing trouble in the workspace, all the colorists rallied together by saying, "Come what grey, we will overcome all obstacles!"
Wolves love shopping and they can literally die for. However, none of them loves the flea market for obvious reasons!
How do astronauts cook their meals?
With a Space Heater!
What should you name a crow with soft down feathers? Microwsoft.
What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing?
Au revoir.
What is a pink bird's favorite kind of dance? Flamenco.
The anti-vax basketball team lost every game this season
Apparently they never take any shots.
How do you cheer up the patients at the vegetable hospital?
Bring a sick beet.
If you photograph your pimples, is zit art?
What does a frog order in Mcdonald's?
French flies and a diet croak.
The last time I wanted to go bowling, all the pins were on strike. So I just stayed at home and watched TV instead.
You should call us butter because we are on a roll. This would be one of the best volleyball puns to put on a T-shirt.
What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree!
Doctor Doctor I've broken my arm in four places.
Docter: Well stop going to those 4 places then!
What did the ghost teacher say to her class? - Look at the board and I’ll go through it, again.
My wife says to me this morning "Our son's toothbrush is getting fraid"
I say "What's it so fraid of?"
One day, a father was washing a car with his son...
The son asks, "why can't we just use a sponge?"
Why did the hobbit set his cell phone to vibrate?
He was afraid the ring would give him away.
What's the difference between French fries and orange juice?
You can make orange juice out of orange, but not French fries out of French
I am really good with PowerPoint because I Excel at it.
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
Wanna know why I like to do yard work?
It really takes the hedge off!
What do strawberries wear to bed?
Jammies!
Of all the best pieces of wolf advice, this is my favorite, “stand fur what you believe”
In exactly 3030 years, there's a chance things could be really good, and theres a chance things could be really bad.
I guess it will be 5050.
What do you call a Spanish pig?
Porque.
What do stylish kangaroos wear?
Jumpsuits.
If only I could grow green stuff in my garden like I can in my refrigerator.
Have you heard about the new his & hers toothpaste?
The flavor is "mint to be".
I saw a strawberry with a gun, robbing a man. I am guessing he was in a jam.
What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier?
A hot-diggity-dog.
Don’t hang around booze hounds. They’re wine-y bitches.
In my grandparents time, an orange was considered a treat from Santa. Now kids want an apple.
Why did the horse climb Everest?
She liked mount-ains.
I don't like clouds. They're always throwing shade.
Why don’t dolphins have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
What do you call an Eskimo cow?
An Eskimoo!
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
Flamingos are great at social events; they flamingle really well.
Hold on for deer life.
My son wanted a pet spider but they're to expensive.
I told him I'll get him one off the web.
When a Minotaur considers himself an optimist is it that he sees his glass as half-bull?
By the seat of one’s punt
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