I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
I wish you were a fish in my dish.
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
Life's a beach. Enjoy the waves.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft
A Duct-ape.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
Witch fall flavor is your favorite?
What do you call an alien spaceship that's leaking water?
A crying saucer.
How do astronauts cook their meals?
With a Space Heater!
What do you call the first person to kill someone with a gun?
First person shooter
What is the difference between pea soup and roast beef? Everyone would roast beef.
"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."
"Well, tell him I can't see him right now."
when I smelled breakfast in the morning it was bacon me eggcited.
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
Why did the man keep punching his doughy friend?
To get a rise out of him!
My dad's nickname is lightning.
That way I can tell my friends I've been struck by lightning multiple times.
The favorite colors of fishes are deep blue and aquamarine blue.
What do you think of puns about deer?
“I’m very fawn’d of them myself.”
What do you call seasoned and dried robot meat?
Beep chirpy
What do you call an ant who can’t speak?
A mute ant.
I got an e-mail saying “At Google Earth, we can even read maps backwards”, and I thought...
“That’s just spam.”
What is a cat’s favorite type of bird? An e-mew!
What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist’s arm?
A tattoo.
My doctor told me "No more spicy food.", but I decided to have one last fennel fling.
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars ? Tyrannosaurus wrecks!
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
I always feel like a winner in France, which is great because I hate Toulouse.
What do you call a 1 cent coin in Italy?
A penne.
I saw a sheep covered in plastic
It was lambinated.
Time to celery-brate.
My father is a farmer who grows strawberries. However, his business has recently gone into liquidation after he made smoothies.
How do you tell the difference between a rabbit and a gorilla?
A rabbit looks nothing like a gorilla
What did the Easter bunny say about the Easter parade?It was eggs-cellent.
I had a bet on a giraffe race yesterday but my selection lost.
It was nowhere near winning – it lost by a neck.
What do police officers do when they are on the volleyball court? They serve and protect.
You seem a little mer-mad.
What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
I’ve got a phobia of over-engineered buildings.
It’s a complex complex complex.
I ran out of toilet paper so I had to start using old newspapers.
The Times are rough.
Panda ghosts love to eat bam-boo.
What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
Open toad sandals.
Why could the Italian Chef not unlock his car?
He had Gnocchi.
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
Q: Where can a tornado be jailed?
A: In a high pressure cell.
What happens when you run in front of a bus?
You get tired.
What happens when you run behind a bus?
You get exhausted.
I heard Frozen University is banning anyone who got the COVID vaccine from returning for the spring quarter
I guess if you get vaccinated you won’t be headed to the ICU.
Where did the bull carry his stock-market report?
In his beef case
What's the difference between chemistry and cooking
In chemistry you should never lick the spoon.
When a doctor doctors a doctor, does the doctor doing the doctoring doctor as the doctor being doctored wants to be doctored or does the doctor doing the doctoring doctor as he wants to doctor?
What's worse than lobsters on your piano?
Crabs on your organ!
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