Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible?
When Joseph served in Pharaoh’s court.
What do you call a wet teddy bear?
A drizzly bear.
You met all of my koala-fications
Up to snow good.
The wolf really needed to talk with the skeleton because he had a bone to pick with him.
How do the elves clean Santa's sleigh on the day after Christmas? They use Santa-tizer!
A baseball walks into a bar. The bartender throws him out.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
My wife started a tropical diet
There’s so much stuff in the house it’s enough to make a mango crazy.
What is the difference between a chemist and a geologist? While a geologist will drink anything fermented, a chemist just
drinks anything that is distilled.
I heard that starting next year, keyboards will no longer be sold with italics...
But it was a bold-faced lie.
I saw an Italian man cooking pasta with a flame thrower.
I cannoli imagine what he was thinking.
A seal goes into a bar and the bartender asked him,"What will it be Mr seal?"
The seal responds,"anything but a Canadian Club".
The chicken got sent off in the middle of the match because of their persistent fowl play.
We got the news of a coming flood today. The news was leaked.
Opposing coaches facing the Leafs in the 60s and 70s knew that Dave was the
one to Keon.
What's the Difference Between a Chemist and a Chemical Engineer?
Oh, about $10 K a year.
Why were Native Americans in America first?
They had reservations.
What do you call a connection between two points in space-time through which only dragons can pass?
A wyrmhole.
Q. What is a popular search engine for ghosts?
A. GHOULgle!
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
I used to have a scuba diving business
But it went under.
Why did the Archaeopteryx get the most worms?
Because he was an early bird.
I had a dream that I was a mechanic who fixed wrecked cars.
It was an auto body experience.
I like you a latte.
I'll open fire on anyone who says video games make children violent!
I gave my wife that new gorilla glue chapstick...🦍💄
It left her speechless
The girlfriend said she had to go file her nail because it was bothering her.
I asked, "Would that go under N for nail? Or M for Manicure?"
Q; What’s the difference between origami and grandpa passing wind?
A: One is the art of the fold, the other, the fart of the old.
Why is the corn army so dysfunctional?
Cause there are too many Kernels.
You have to act quickly during a flood because it's an emergent sea.
Yesterday, a man threatened to kill himself with a knife and someone called the cops.
Today he died of his gunshot wounds.
What do you call an ant who won’t go away?
Perman-ant.
I just told my family a pun about bees.
It was so good that everyone gave me hive fives.
I wouldn't say that flying is my favorite way to travel...
But it's up there.
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
Did you hear about the metamorphosis professor who just gave up on life? He really needed a change.
I over boiled some venison broth earlier.
It was deerly mist.
What do you call an overly cautious cup of tea?
Uncertaintea.
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic.
A friend of mine told me he’d give me a radio that had no batteries. I think it’s a wind-up.
What’s the longest word in the dictionary? Smiles because there’s a mile between each s.
I recently found a round, black piece of plastic, with a hole in the middle and grooves on both sides. I picked it up and threw it. It flew for more than 300 yards
I'm sure that must have been a record.
Q: How do Japanese artists bid farewell?
A: Cyan-Nara!
Why couldn't the boy run away with the farmer's daughter?
They were cantaloupe farmers.
What happened when an icicle landed on the skier's head?
It knocked him out cold!
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
Where do crows go to get educated?
CAWlege
What vehicle does T-Rex use to go from planet to planet? A Dinosaucer
I just saw a huge killer fish singing and playing guitar in the city center.
I think it must be a busking shark.
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