Why did the dinosaur paint her toenails red? So she could hide in the strawberry patch!
What do cherries write in love letters? I miss you cherry-bly.
What did the Mama Steam Engine say to her Baby Steam Engine at supper time? “Choo choo!”
My friend told me all about his friend's girlfriend who was playing saxophone.
Apparently she was a saxy lady.
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.
We are mint to be.
What pickup line can you use to pick up a cheese lover?
“Are you cheddar? ‘Cause you’re lookin’ sharp!”
I've invented a machine that prints money.
I programmed it to make coins, but for some reason it keeps printing dollar bills....
It makes no cents.
Never going drinking with Train drivers again.
All they did all night was tell me to ‘chug,chug,chug,chug.’
Why did the aging bread roll retire?
Her career was already toast.
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
What is a defensive football players favorite dessert?
Apple Turnover.
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
Why are ghouls so healthy?
They always eat fresh food!
What happened when the guitars got in a fight?
They got in treble.
Loving this road trip, but all this driving is tire-ing!
St. Patrick’s Day makes me Spring to life.
A truck carrying thesauruses crashed on a motorway near my house. All the onlookers were startled, shocked, amazed, speechless and dumbfounded.
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
Why do ice cream cones always carry an umbrella?
There’s a chance of sprinkles.
What trophy does a stay-at-home defencemen win? The Snorris!
How sweet is only for girls?
Her-shey’s kisses.
My girlfriend told me she's breaking up with me because of my football obsession.
I told her she'll need to wait till the summer window if she wants a free transfer.
What do you call an elephant that’s never clean?
A smelly-phant.
What do you call a parrot that won’t eat?
A Polly-no-meal.
A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.
He goes up to the bartender and says "A drink please and another for the road."
Dwayne Johnson is studying his family history
Is that Genealogy or Geology?
Whats the worst thing about manufacturing tabletops?
It's counterproductive.
What do you call Bears without ears
B.
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
I stole seven crows yesterday.
Got away with murder.
During the summer break, I enrolled myself in a peach coding course.
How do you catch a rich squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a cashew.
Why does a Moon-rock taste better than an Earth-rock?
Because it's a little meteor.
What do you call a bunch of kids who spent all afternoon in the snow?
Chill-dren!
What did one of Frankenstein’s ears say to the other?
I didn’t know we lived on the same block.
Six sick hicks nick six slick bricks with picks and sticks.
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin.
I told him I'd gourd it with my life.
I'd hate to be the bearer of bad blues.
I thought a thought.
But the thought I thought
Wasn’t the thought I thought I thought.
If the thought I thought I thought,
Had been the thought I thought,
I wouldn’t have thought I thought.
My friend always sleeps with his head on a bag of rice
He said it was a type of pilau.
No one laughed at my soup puns. I said "When I crack a soup joke, everyone is soup-posed to laugh".
Singular: One mango
Plural: Two menwent
That was thaw-some!
What do you do when you try to bake a cherry pie for the first time and it doesn't turn out so well? Just wait for the second bite of the cherry.
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
What kind of gun would a cat have?
A Mauser.
Did you hear about the sheep's jousting tournament?
It was a real baa-lancing act.
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