What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
The crow decided to dress up as Corvid-19 virus for the Halloween costume party.
Why was the UN concerned when the waiter dropped Thanksgiving dinner?
Because it meant the fall of turkey, the ruin of grease, and the breakup of china.
What is a cyclops' favorite winter activity?
Sking. That's like skiing, but only with one eye.
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
We're like three peas in a pod, but lately I feel left out. It's making me quite unhap-pea.
"Dad, how do you cast spells?"
"You just follow the instructions."
"Which instructions?"
"Yeah, they're the ones."
What kind of dog loves bubble baths?
A shampoodle.
So what did the Mother bee say to her misbehaving bee son.
Beehive!
What did one cheese say to the other during philosophy class?
“I dis a brie.”
My friend told me, “Your wife and daughter look like twins!”
I said, “Well, they were separated at birth.”
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
Beach, please.
What do you call a grizzly bear who gets caught in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
Why do ghosts like elevators? They raise their spirits.
Which trophy has the most glitz? The Lady Bling.
How can you tell if a crab is drunk?
It walks straight
What do you call a maternal Turkish robot water weasel?
An Ottoman otter-mom automaton.
Why are ghosts no good at running a railway? A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
Where did the onion find his family history?
In the archives
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
What kind of sandwich does Kissy the Elf like for lunch?
A wrap!
What sport do wasps love?
Sting-pong.
Just a buffalo laying down, bisoness as usual.
Bowlers do not make good employees. This is because for 80% of the time, they are always going on strike.
What did Spock say to his cat? Live long and paw-sper.
"Hey dad, my electric toothbrush is broken!"
"No son, it's just gone acoustic."
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
What do you call an elephant with an aerial on his head?
An elephant-enna.
What is the proper name for the ghost of a buffalo?
A booffalo.
What do you call a dinosaurs fart? "A blast from the past"
How can you hear the sounds of a group of dolphins?
Listen to their podcast.
"Eggs-cuse me."
"Love the wine you're with."
Who does their best work when they're under the weather?
Meteorologists.
Q. What do they call the gorilla marathon runner who only wins when it's pouring outdoors?
A. The raining chimp-ion.
I saw a real rob-bbery today. It happened right before my berry eyes.
Why did the owl 'owl?
Because the Woodpecker would peck 'er.
What do ghouls love to eat?
Fettuccini Afraid-o!
I told everyone that I’m going as a zombie character from Harry Potter this Halloween, but no one believes me.
I’m dead Sirius.
Why does it take a while before a peach leaves a fruit basket? They have to give a goodbye peach first.
A new men's cologne is in development which smells of electric eels shocking a Silicon Valley giant.
Its called Eel-on Musk.
For Halloween I’m going to write “Life” on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers
What do you call a banana who gets all the girls?
A banana smoothie.
What do cell phones order at dinner?
Apps.
Do you always play this badly at the net? Because I don’t like your approach.
“My favorite color is tangerine- isn’t that orange-inal?”
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