What did the Minotaur order at Starbucks?
Half-calf.
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
What did the cloud say to the rainbow? Thank you for adding color to my day.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
What does a grape do with his grandchildren?
He is raisin them.
My Gladiator DVD stopped working...
Talk about an *epic* fail.
A security guard at an airport informs the pilot of a man trying to sneak contraband onto an airplane.
The pilot responds, "That's not going to fly."
What is the difference between a deer nut and a beer nut?
“A beer nut is often more than a buck but a deer nut is always under a buck.”
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
What did the patient say after that gave blood?
I feel drained.
Where do flowers recharge? At a power plant!
What did the Mexican wrestler say after he ate a taco that was too spicy?
“It’s okay, I’ll just guac it off”
How do penguins drink?
Out of beak-ers!
Which book will be preferred by a man who sells milk? Cream and Punishment.
What do you call a goat who is in charge of a university?
Billy Dean.
My dad used to be an airline pilot, but he decided to retire because it got too Boe-ing.
What's black, white, purple, yellow and blue? Sugilite, opal, and sardonyx fighting over a gumball.
What did the lost witch ask the wizard?
- Witch way to the Halloween party?
My doctor told me that I needed I kidney
I told her no. I'd prefer an adult-knee.
How does Frankenstein speak?
Frankly.
Why do owls make such bad baseball players?
Their hits are always fowl.
Jill broke her finger today, but on the other hand she was completely fine
By the seat of one’s punt
Blue and orange are always polite and amicable with each other because they are complementary colors.
What’s an orange’s favourite animal? An orange-utan.
What to spiders eat in Paris?
French flies.
Two skeletons are talking in a bar.
Skeleton 1: "Are you going to the funeral tomorrow?"
Skeleton 2: “Of corpse I am.”
How do skeleton’s get their mail delivered?
By the bony express.
Why do Otters swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
A peach biologist was looking for a peach-tree-dish for his upcoming experiment.
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano? I Lava You!
What do you call a waffle laying on a beach?
Sandy eggo.
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
Where do you send turtles who commit crimes?
To the shell-block.
What's the difference between a high-hit baseball and a maggot's father?
One is a pop fly and the other is a fly pop.
“Santa’s beard is so long because he’s bad at shaving. Why do you think they call him Saint Nick?”
So what did the Mother bee say to her misbehaving bee son
"Beehive!"
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
What is a lion’s favorite cheese?
Roarquefort.
Where do recluses live in Spain?
Barceloner.
I like playing chess with old people in the park, but it gets hard to find 32 of them each time.
Mother always knows best. But when winter comes around, Mother Nature snows best.
Some pink birds can be really rude. I approached a group of them the other day and they screamed “Flamingo away!”
What did the wife beaver say to her astronaut husband? You are otter this world.
What dinosaur knows a lot of synonyms? A thesaurus.
What is a parrot’s favorite game?
Beakaboo
This foundation is rock salad.
What did the watermelon wife say to his stinky husband? You’ve got a strange smelon you today.
Remind your kids not to overdo it on the pumpkin pie this time of year.
Or they might get autumn'y ache.
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