Why did the man driving a train get struck by lightning?
He was a good conductor.
A son asked his dad: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"
The dad responded with: "Yes, we arson."
In spite of all restrictions because of Covid, diplomats are allowed to travel freely across countries.
Because they have immunity.
Q. What do you call an entertaining gorilla eating a banana?
A. Ape peeling.
Why did the doctor tell the nurse to walk past the pill cupboard quietly?
So she wouldn’t wake the sleeping pills.
What do you call a guy that has good manners, bad hygiene, and an affinity for word play?
PunGent.
When does a turkey go "mooooo"? When it is learning a new language!
What did one tidepool say to the other tidepool?
Show me your mussels!
Don’t make such a Dreyfus about it.
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
What were the cheese’s wedding vows?
To havarti and to hold.
What did the beaver tell the tree? It has really been nice gnawing you.
We all know that rooms are just empty spaces, and no one can even dream of making a delicacy out of them. The only room is the mushroom.
Rivers are...
the original streaming service.
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
What do you call a healthy dinosaur? Tea-Rex.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
Why didn’t the flower get a second date?
He was garden variety.
Q. Why doesn't a big gorilla have to flush the toilet?
A. He scares the sh*t out of it!
Why did the fruit run for president? He wanted world peach.
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
Why did the pirate captain want to hire a baseball player?
He knew he had a chest protector.
Why did one camel spit and stomp when the other camel stole its cheese?
Because they’re “dramadairies”
Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight.
There would be mass confusion.
What happens when a koala drinks too much alcohol? He gets a bear gut.
What does a mosquito say to greet his girlfriend?
"M'laria."
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
What do you call a pig who does karate?
A pork chop.
The green light at the road signal looked at the red light and said, "Don't look while I am changing".
I invented a device that can stop a snake in its tracks.
It's made of asphalt.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite track and field event?
The curdles.
When the wolf stood on the grape, the latter said nothing but let out a little bit of a wine.
Why is corn popular around Halloween?
Because it’s so earie.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?
One-one was a race horse.
Two-two was one too.
One-one won one race.
Two-two won one too.
What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
A brick layer.
Last night I dreamt I was swimming in a sea of oranges. I guess it was just a Fanta-sea!
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
Why are sponges such good listeners?
Because they soak up everything.
What do you call a bee trying to make up its mind?
A maybee
Which type of wine do horses request most often?
Chardon-neigh.
We make a great pear
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? It's Christmas, Eve!
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
What did the Inuit say to to Englishman After he wanted some seal?
"I've got Nunavut."
I hate worms and snakes because they have no feet.
You might say that I am lacktoes intolerant.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commentater!
I bought an underwater craft in a bright green color.
It's sublime!
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
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