If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
I’m feelin’ green.
My friend was killed by a 2 ton sack of falling chickpeas
The police verdict? Hummuscide.
Why was the conservative buffalo disappointed in his child?
He was a bison.
Why isn’t there an organization like Chocoholics Anonymous?
Because nobody wants to quit.
What is a koala’s favorite Christmas carol? Deck the halls with boughs of holly, koala-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!!!
I just learned how to speak parrot.
I just learned how to speak parrot.
I sat on some peas in the car. It was a bumpea ride.
What's the best kind of pan to make sushi in?
Japan.
What did the giant say to Jack when he caught him sneaking around his castle?
"Have you bean stalking me?"
What's a Vikings favourite dance?
The Loki cokey.
I hope for world peas.
How do eggs get around?
On a s-egg-way.
Did you hear about the banana who went to the doctor's because he wasn't peeling very well?
It ain’t over till it’s clover.
Dolphins don't have accidents.
They do everything on porpoise.
Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?
In the big inning. Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.
Ana hits a lot of floating shots that her opponents destroy for winners. We need to sitter down and have a talk.
Our weather bureau is actually an umbrella organization.
It’s snow joke.
What do you call a blind dinosaur? adoyouthinkhesaurus.
Why are trees such great thieves? They really have sticky fingers.
I stumbled upon people arguing about trains in my town.
I told them, what’s the lo-commotion?
Why don't people ever talk about the fear of roses? Because it's a thorny issue!
What does a cheese say when they look in the mirror in the morning?
Halloumi.
Overheard on a bus... What do you call a social hermit crab?
Just a crab.
Did you here about the croc with a serious drug addiction?
It was a crackodile.
I felt so guilty after I stepped on a snail this morning. You should of seen him, he looked genuinely crushed.
What do you call an angry kangaroo?
Hopping mad.
I squeezed a lemon on my wife's lap two hours ago...
She's been a sourpuss about it ever since.
Who’s an apple’s favorite relative?
Granny.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
How does santa get his Reindeer to fly? He uses Red Bull because it gives you wings!
What is a golfer’s favorite bird?
Any birdie will do.
Milk trucks always drive so fast, don’t they? You blink and they’re already pasteurize.
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
What do you call it when a monster gets mad?
Ogre-reacting!
If you ever need directions, call for a navi-gator.
What did the bus driver say to the frog?
Hop on.
why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
What do you call a sausage that's been to the doctor? Cured meat!
When a lion takes a lioness from another lion, he kills and eats any cubs she has. You'd think he'd be ashamed of himself.
But apparently he just swallows his pride.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? Frankenswine, or you can go see Hamlet.
A barber, a hairdresser, and Bigfoot walk into a bar...
You know what...I'm gonna shave this joke for another time.
In Ireland, when the cows are in the road it’s udder chaos.
What’s the longest word in the dictionary? Smiles because there’s a mile between each s.
Who's a pickle's favorite artist?
Salvador Dilli.
A crow invited his buddies over to hang out but they didn’t show up.
He was charged with attempted murder.
What does a skeleton order at a restaurant?
Spare ribs.
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