What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
What do you call a sneezing big foot in Spanish?
Achoopacabra.
Why can a leopard never hide for long? It’s always spotted
Where do restless travelers like to go?
To Rome.
How do you make a duck sing soul music?
Put him in the microwave until his Bill Withers
Which word can be used to describe a peach that is surprised, shocked, or angry with strong emotion? – Speachless!
Why was the baseball player so good at writing advertising jingles?
Because they're so catchy.
A tiger lost a storytelling competition recently as he has only got one tail.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Dud you know Astronauts said steaks are better in space?
They're a little meteor.
What does pooh eat at parties?
Blue bear-y pie.
I can't stand Greek salads.
I like un-feta'd access to my greens.
I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought: “That’s the last thing I need!”
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
In the corn maze, I felt like I was being stalked. It was earie.
Ever use one of those expensive toothbrushes?
It's breath-taking.
My computer is so slow it's running in the '90s.
What natural disaster took out the ancient horses?
A volcanic stirruption.
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
It's ice to meet you.
The kindergarten kids were taught the alphabet and peach sounds at school.
My wrists hurt whenever I drive to work with my co-workers and we go through a tunnel.
I think it's carpool tunnel syndrome.
How does a kangaroo pick his favorite baseball team?
He jumps on the bandwagon.
Where do bus drivers eat their lunches? In a traffic jam.
My friend, while driving through the mountains watching the leaves change: I love the winter. All the naked trees.
Me: Yeah, you can see all their knotty parts.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
The vampire decided to eat a throat lozenge. It was the only thing he could think of to stop his coffin fit.
What type of music is scary for birthday balloons? Pop music!
Doctor, I keep peeing my pants! What can I do?
Urologist: “It’s mind over matter, urine control.”
Large, pink birds are a good asset to a football team. They’re very used to playing flamingoalie.
"Just don't carrot all."
What kind of bee makes milk?
A Boobie!
The scientists decided to clean up the Thames because it had a dirty mouth.
Why are hands so reliable?
Because you can always count on them.
What is Dr. Frankenstein’s favorite part of a company?
Human resources.
How can you tell a wine taster is a newbie?
By the blanc look on her face.
What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.
When she saw all the madness around her, March said, “what’s all that bracket”.
his morning my son said his ear hurt and I asked : on the inside or outside?
So he walks out the front door, comes back in and says "Both."
What did the egg do when it saw the frying pan?
It scrambled.
The bartender asks one of The Beach Boys what they’d like, so he looks back to his friends
“Get a round?” “Round?” “Round?” “I’ll get a round!”
Do you be-leaf in magic?
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
Here’s another one; what about an otter who lives in an emptied out melon? An ottermelon.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
Why do ambulance drivers always have a partner with them?
They’re pair-a-medics.
Where do rabbits work? At IHOP restaurants!
What is it called when two Irish couples go out on a date?
Dublin date.
Do you comma here often?
Go to BabaMail
