Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
“Halloween” = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.
Where does a cow hang his best paintings? In a moo-seum, of course.
Why do travel nurses and boxers get along?
They know how to stick and move.
If cheese were downloadable, then I'd try to throw my hard drive as far as possible.
What I'm saying is, I'd chuck e-cheese.
It’s worth a shot.
Why did Paco's girlfriend not want to kiss him?
She was afraid of the a-Paco-lips.
I violated grammar rules, so I got punished with the death sentence.
Death.
What does a chicken need to lay an egg every day?
Hen-durance.
Why did the monster eat the caboose? The locomotive told it to choo choo.
I took my dog's bone away from him.
She was fur-rious.
What do you call referential cheese?
Feta.
Have you seen the new movie with the Dachshund?
Apparently it’s an Oscar Weiner.
I wanted to redo the flooring in my bathroom, but I did not have enough tiles...
It was a few'tile effort.
While cutting the onions, my eyes were leek-ing tears
What does a millennial cowboy say?
Yeet Haw!
My neighbor said a man walked into my garden and stole my mangoes.
I am wondering where did that mango.
What is a car’s favourite film?
Taxi.
If a young goat learns a martial art, are they a karate kid?
Why do astronomers put beef in their shampoo?
For meatier showers.
Why do they put fences around graveyards? Because people are dying to get in!
Do You Know How Crabs Get Around On Land?
They Use The Sidewalk!
Which Star Wars movie is a baseball player's least favorite?
The Umpire Strikes Back.
Who's a pickle's favorite artist?
Salvador Dilli.
Thank you for making our relationship sweet rather than a rocky road.
When we were young, we had this myth that lightning bolts go all the way to cloud 9.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
What do you call an elf who hasn’t had a date in two years or more?
Elf on the shelf.
A team may be talented, but there is no substitute to this, no train no gain!
A Tibetan monk sees the face of Jesus in a tub of margarine.
He immediately raises his eyes to the heavens and exclaims "I can't believe it's not Buddha!"
My wife was trying to feed our son a pear, and he was refusing.
I said, Good news. Our son is immune to pear pressure.
How many Winter Park ski instructors does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to screw it in, and two to say, "Nice Turns, Nice Turns!"
What did Gorgonzola say to Cheddar? Lookin' Sharp.
Tobacco companies have made an orange flavored cigarette?
“They call it “Nico-tang”
What do you call a glove combined with a snake?
Smitten.
How did the witch feel about using her broom to do housework?
She bristled at the suggestion!
Did you guys hear about the camel that got a gig playing a cow on Broadway?
She was a real drama dairy.
Q: What did the tree say to the wind?
A: Leaf me alone
What happened to the zombie that made him visit the doctor? He had a crummy feeling.
What do Russians call a bad WiFi connection?
Inter-NIET
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
What’s black and white and very noisy?
A panda with a set of drums.
"I whip my hare back and forth."
My doctor says I should get my ears cleaned every 12 months.
I think he means ear-ly.
Why did the computer spy get fired?
She couldn't hack it.
What did summer say to spring?
Help – I’m about to fall!
What did the rainbow say to the pot of gold? You'll be the end of me.
When moving a piece of furniture at the weather station, you'll be needing four casters.
How do whales make a decision?
They flipper coin.
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