What does a placebo say on Halloween?
“Trick or Treatment!”
Everyone was spot on, you really did make a great theatre lighting tech.
What do you call a Grizzly at a nude beach?
Bear Naked.
What do you call a selfish bomb?
Mine.
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
How many lips does a flower have?
Tulips.
I quit my job as a scuba diving instructor after my first day at work.
Deep down I realized it wasn’t for me.
Why can't the zombie get a job?
They all want someone more lively.
Who was the criminal crow running from? The cawps.
What do you call a FISH with no Eyes? A FSH.
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
I like rivers very much. I was watching a live stream earlier.
What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.
What's the difference between a strawberry and a Tyrannosaurus? The strawberry is red!
What does a chicken need to lay an egg every day?
Hen-durance.
My father cooked us mushrooms. Later he asked "Having fun guys"?
Earlier, I tried to sneak into the Star Trek convention disguised as the starship's doctor.
Security soon discoverd, however, I wasn't the real McCoy.
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
We had a lively debate in physics.
It was a conversation of energy.
Which element is a member of famous rock band?
Hg
You can tell an ant’s gender by putting it in the water.
If it sinks, it’s a girl. If it floats, it’s a buoyant.
What did E.T.'s father say to him when he got home?
"Where on Earth have you been?"
Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
Putting on contacts without a mirror is hard
You just gotta eyeball it.
This is snow laughing matter!
If ten zombies run after you, what time is it?
Ten after one.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
Why do you bring fish to a party?
You bring fish to a party because they go well with chips!
What holds the moon up?
Moonbeams!
I find you very a-peeling.
You know why I love bread puns? Because they never go stale.
When Papa red wanted to have some toppings on his bread, he told Son red, "Pass me the crimson!"
What does the ginger bread man put on his bed? A cookie sheet.
Why did the skeletons stay out of the forest?
Because sticks and stones will break their bones.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
Your love will always be up to par.
Why these days, the Moon is up till so late? Don’t worry, it is just going through a phase.
Who wears red and brings catnip to sleeping kittens? Santa Claws!
"Just looking on the sunny side."
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
You're so beautiful, even the leaves fall for you.
What do you call a bat with the flu?
An airborne disease.
What are police cars made of?
Copper
What did the doctor tell the skeleton who wanted to donate his body to science?
Spine on the dotted line.
I’ll always be running-back to you.
"What's with that fruit taped to your mouth?" the doctor asked. "Covid-19 prevention," the patient replied.
"You need a bandana, not a banana!"
Where do Astronauts go to the bathroom?
Where no one has gone before.
Where’s the best beach to buy sports gear at?
Jersey Shore.
What do bees call wasps?
Wanna-bees.
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