Why did the magician have to cancel his show? Because he just washed his hare and couldn’t do a thing with it.
What concert costs $0.45?
50 Cent with Nickelback.
A farmer complained that he didn't have enough fruit to make a living.
I told him he needs to grow a pear.
Why was it hard for police to catch the tree bandit? He had them stumped.
Did you hear about the mother who gave birth to her baby while she was in the sky?
I guess you can say the baby was airborne
"Love the wine you're with."
As I am walking towards my classroom, I get to know that my miss-is-sippi-ng my glass of water.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
What do we call a beautiful picture drawn by a peach artist? – It is a great peach of work.
I hear you like wine, too. Grape minds think alike.
College-age vampires only ever shop in one place - Forever 21.
What do you call a skeleton's favorite singer?
Pelvis Presley.
Why did the witch stay in a hotel during her travels?
She heard they had great broom service.
What do you call it when a cheese goes #2?
Fondue-due.
I stopped for lunch at a German restaurant, but unfortunately got food poisoning. It really was the wurst.
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
What do you give a deer with an upset stomach?
Elka Seltzer.
Is chicken soup good for your health?
Not if you’re the chicken.
The farmer cried wolf when all his three pigs were mauled by the jungle wolf.
What did the pinecone say to the pineapple? Nice to meet juice.
Q. What do you call an entertaining gorilla eating a banana?
A. Ape peeling.
What do you call a Mexican unicorn? Junicorn.
What kind of monkey likes seafood?
A shrimpanzee.
Singular: One mango
Plural: Two menwent
My neighbor said a man walked into my garden and stole my mangoes.
I am wondering where did that mango.
Why is a giraffe’s neck so long?
Because its head is so far from its body.
If we played hot potato I’d lose, because I’d never let you go.
Why did the koala get fired from his job?
Because he would only do the bear minimum.
What do you call a pickle doctor?
A dill pusher.
I feel tail great!
What do you call a lazy goat?
Billy Idle.
If H20 is in the inside of a fire hydrant, what's on the outside ?
K9P.
Don't worry, bee happy!
What happened to the Easter bunny at school? He was eggspelled.
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
What do you call a parrot with an umbrella? Polly unsaturated.
Why did the pirate have a pumpkin strapped to his arm?
He was a squash-buckler.
How to tell a car it has gained weight?
‘You have got Fiat.’
My wife and I split up.
She got the “U” and I got the “P”
What do you get when you cross a shark with a snowman?
Frostbite.
What is it called when a tree stabs his friend in the back?
A be-tree-yal
What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French bathroom?
Linoleum Blownapart.
Why do trees have to drink responsibly? Otherwise, they become a bunch of trunk idiots.
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
What time do werewolf Cowboys have a shootout?
High Moon!
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
You mermake me happy.
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.
Why do the blondes prefer to have se* instead of bowling?
The balls are lighter, and you don't have to change shoes.
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