Are you a keyboard? Because you are just my type.
What does the mouse say to its mate? "Were like crackers and cheese"
Q: Why did the fruit finish her homework so quickly?
A: Because the homework was a peach of cake.
just bought 5 slabs of San miguel, 10 sombreros and 25 tacos,
I'm Hispanic buying
Sometimes, all you need is to shake a few trees to find the perfect peach for you.
My brother sprayed on some of his new deodorant. "How do I smell?" He asked.
"With your nose" I replied.
Why did the skeletons stay out of the forest?
Because sticks and stones will break their bones.
What kind of cats love to go bowling? Alley cats!
What do they call the fairy in the Mexican version of Peter Pan?
Taco Bell.
While walking down the plains of the river, I lost my footing and got hit on my head. Now my head is swimming.
What do you call a blessed blanket?
Holy sheet
What did Archimedes's girlfriend told him when he hadn't taken bath for several days?
Eu-reek-a
What do you call a hairy beast that no longer exists?
A were-wolf!
What is the difference between a fish and a piano? You can't tuna fish.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
I was attacked by a group of mimes.
They did unspeakable things to me.
I had no one to help me when my computer and phone mutinied
I was left to my own devices.
My friend Joe recently went on the Dolly Parton diet...
It made Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean!
Why was the cow always exercising? To build up its moo-scles
I wanted to be a professional fortune-teller but I wasn't very good at it. I could only predict when there would be bad winter storms. Well, turns out I had been using a snow globe.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
If Russia wants to be the first country to produce a vaccine ...
... Then Soviet.
My Karate teacher is getting a divorce.
He is a great Sensei, but he's not very skilled at the marital arts.
A man is wanted for stealing tires off of cop cars.
Police are working tirelessly to catch him.
Where do you take a sick hornet?
To the waspital.
Why did Noah have to punish the chickens on the Ark?
They were using fowl language.
The IT peach-guy is an expert in the field of peach synthesis.
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
During the blizzard, the jalapeno said, I'm a little chilli.
Which word can be used to describe a peach that is surprised, shocked, or angry with strong emotion? – Speachless!
I have so many Easter puns, it’s not even bunny.
What family does Maiasaur belong to? I don't think any families in our neighborhood have one!
What do you get when you run behind a car?
Exhausted!
What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist’s arm?
A tattoo.
I married my wife for her looks. Just not the ones she been giving me lately.
One mermaid said to the other, "I love your shell bracelet, can I Triton?"
What do you call a hospital ward full of epeliptic vegetables?
Seizure salad
Q. Who walks around the suburbs trying to sell venison meat?
A. A deer-to-door salesmant.
What do you call a wasp who is having a bad hair day?
A frizz-bee
Many people seem to believe that warm water droplets get cooled fast and form fog. It's a mist-conception. Someone should de-mist-ify it.
What happens when a duck flies upside down?
It quacks up.
What did one boat say to the other boat?
Are you interested in a little row-mance?
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
What vehicle does T-Rex use to go from planet to planet? A Dinosaucer
Q. How do you describe a deer joke with a screwed up punch line?
A. Bucked up.
How do you make a dog stop barking in the backyard?
Move him to the front yard.
The beavers avoid going deep-diving now. They saw one beaver hitting rock bottom.
Knife and a fork bottle and a cork
that is the way you spell New York.
Chicken in the car and the car can go,
that is the way you spell Chicago.
I wood never leaf you.
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