What do you call it when a raven marries a crow? A conspiracy to commit to murder.
Some types of meat like to play around a lot. These are generally the game types.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a water hose?
Hare spray.
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
I have a flamingo friend who has a fantastic imagination, but they are always indulging in flights of fancy.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
I tripped over a floor tile in the bathroom today. Got out alright, but it's safe to say...
I got floored.
My Chiropractor is serious is as hell
But he always cracks me up.
What kind of music should you listen to while fishing?
Something catchy.
The next round the wolf showed up at the butchery, he was arrested. This is because he was being tracked by the police for chop lifting.
What kind of pizza do you order on Christmas?
Cheeses Crust.
What’s the freshest herb you can find in April?
Spring-thyme!
The reason lakes are bigger than rivers is because one has running water whereas the other water is merely standing.
He apologized for driving the orange to the edge of the blade
How does Bigfoot clear his sinuses?
With a yeti pot.
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
How does a cheese tell you they want to be with you?
“I think you and I would look gouda together.”
What do you call a dull ghost? Boo-ring!
One of the punny pig names for a pig that loves Shakespeare is Hamlet.
A guy walks into the bar.
It's hardly surprising he didn't make the steeplechase team, on reflection.
What do football players wear on their heads? Helminth
I met this really beautiful crustacean, but I lobst her number.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
Strawberries are berry healthy. They pack a punch when it comes to beating cancer and other diseases.
Have you guys heard of the musical group called Cellophane?
They mostly wrap.
What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure?
A complete waist of time.
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
What kind of writer did the ghost hire to write his biography? A ghostwriter, duh.
Whatever you do this summer, be sure to make a splash.
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
What did the lost witch ask the wizard?
- Witch way to the Halloween party?
What do you get when you cross a vampire bat and a computer?
Love at first byte.
How did they determine that the shark attack victim had dandruff?
Because all that washed up on the beach was his head and shoulders.
Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter?
He was shredding the floor.
My HOA agreement has a statement mandating we have an inflatable Santa displayed in our yard during December.
There is a Santa clause.
I got fired from my job as a train operator and my job as a lightning rod.
I guess I'm just a bad conductor.
My friend always sleeps with his head on a bag of rice
He said it was a type of pilau.
What are the best sandwiches to serve at a St. Patrick’s Day party?
Paddy melts!
If you were words on a page, you'd be what they call the FINE print!
What was the Peach's favorite surf band from the 60's? The Peach Boys.
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
After his meal, the cannibal wipes his mouth and says: “My wife cooks the greatest soup in the world. But I will miss her so much.”
What happened when 100 hares got loose on Main Street? The police had to comb the area.
What do you call a mouse that doesn’t like being known about-?
Anonymouse.
Q: Why are cherries never lonely?
A: Because they hang around in bunches.
A brain aneurysm would be swell.
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside
What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
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