What did the Italian marine Biologist say when asked to identify an eel?
That's a moray!
Two white bears got married, but soon ended up unhappy and got divorced.
It’s as if they were polar opposites.
How did the electrician pay for his new phone?
He charged it.
What’s that Nevada city where all the dentists visit?
Floss Vegas.
Why did the hotel staff dress as witches for Halloween?
Because they provided broom service!
What drink brings you down to earth? Gravi-Tea.
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
It’s pretty easy to choose your favorite type of bird
Flamingos have a leg up on all the rest.
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
A crab didn't help his friend,
he's shellfish.
How do ghouls like their meals?
Absolutely terrified!
What kind of horse would Bilbo Baggins ride?
A shire.
Why doesn't the tooth fairy like dental instruments?
She finds them obtooth.
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
When does a joke become a Dad joke?
When it becomes fully groan.
I was a bit worried about making breakfast on Halloween
But I ain't afraid of no toast.
Looking for a boyfriend in engineering: the odds are good, but the goods are odd.
What did the man say when his wife asked if he remember to get the coffee with icecream inside it?
“Sorry! Affogato!”
I'm going to start a hummus brand that comes in really difficult to open containers.
It's gonna be called 'hummus posta eat this'.
Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
How do you know when a baby koala bear is happy? You’ll see them jump for joey!
This hottie has forever changed the film industry, and it starts with the letter P and ends with 'orn'. Reel your mind back in - we're talking popcorn!
Why did the cat want to learn to fly?
She wanted to try bats.
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
Why does salt make everything taste better
Because it's sodi-yummm!
Where do saplings graduate from? Elementree school.
What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association.
How will you save yourself if you come across an aggressive alien? Give him some space.
As my wife was giving birth, all the doctors and nurses started yelling, “Push! Push!”
I was convinced it was a Pull door.
Who’s the patron saint of poverty?
St. Nickeless.
My sister asked me for some spider puns.
I told her to look them up on the web.
Why Did the Milkman Get Fired?
He was skimming off the top.
You cannot get a basketball game fairly officiated in the jungle because cheetahs are all over.
You know what really bugs me?
Insect puns.
I whale always love you.
My Ex-wife called me to tell me my son was arrested for setting a house on fire. I corrected her saying...
Arson.
On which day do tiger eat people?
Chewsday
Why did the bus driver laugh? He was having a 'wheely' good time!
What did the mother brain say to her oldest child when it was bothering her youngest child?
It didn't want to get brain-washed.
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
Why shouldn't you shop at the Banana Republic? Because the employees look like a bunch of dicks.
I got a parking ticket today and my husband just laughed.
He thought it was a fine joke.
Why didn’t my husband laugh at my awesome ice cream joke?
Because he was laughtose intolerant.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
In the Camel Kingdom, the king and his family live in the Camelot castle.
A man entered his house and was absolutely delighted when he discovered someone had stolen every lamp in his house.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
I wanna tell a joke about a girl who eats plants.
You've probably never heard of herbivore.
I'm going to need to exorcise a lot after all this Halloween candy.
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