Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
What spread do astronauts use on their toast?
. . . Space jam
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
Irish you were beer.
I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
Why are blood physicians so rich?
Because blood cells.
What do you call a really happy ant?
Exuber-ant.
How does Bigfoot clear his sinuses?
With a yeti pot.
Did you hear the joke about the pop fly? Oh, nevermind. It was over your head...
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
Aloha is a soft laugh.
What do you call it when dress up like a cowboy?
Ranch dressing
Two red blood cells met and fell in love, but alas, it was all in vein.
I like your tight end
How does santa get his Reindeer to fly? He uses Red Bull because it gives you wings!
Tomorrow the planet will be one year older..
Happy bEarthday!
I had a goat’s cheese pizza the other day.
He wasn’t happy.
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
We were debating about Charles Darwin in class when the teacher warned us, "Don't let this evolve into an argument."
Why did they let the turkey join the band? Because he had the drumsticks
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
What do you call two male avocados who hang out and drink together?
Avocabros.
I saw a squirrel running in circles in my yard today…
I think it lost its nuts.
What did the geologist say when his doctor said he needed a colon exam?
No fracking way!
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
Becoming a space pilot is not easy. It requires a good altitude.
How does a cheese tell you they want to be with you?
“I think you and I would look gouda together.”
My dog has expensive taste in shoes.
So I got her some Jimmy Chews.
What pickup line can you use to pick up a cheese lover?
“Are you cheddar? ‘Cause you’re lookin’ sharp!”
I over boiled some venison broth earlier.
It was deerly mist.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
“I am hungary.”
“Maybe you should czech the fridge.”
“I’m russian to the kitchen.”
“Is there any turkey?”
“We have some, but it’s covered in greece”
“ew, there’s norway I’d eat that!”
Why did the kangaroo hesitate?
He didn’t want to jump to a conclusion.
DNA editing was invented by Gene Hackman
What does a winged horse drink from at a party?
A keg-asus.
How did Gertie Gorilla win the beauty contest? She was the beast of the show!
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
Pirates Private Property.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
My real estate agent lied. He said my house had a 1,000 carpet area, but I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there...
What is a car’s favourite bug?
A beetle.
How can a clam cram in a clean cream can?
Did you hear about the poker player who lost his arm and got a prosthetic replacement?
He’s finding it hard to deal with.
Dad Bee left. Mama Bee calls out ...
Honeycomb home!
Why did the old woman fall into the well?
Because she couldn’t see that well.
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
What did the hot dog bun say to the hot dog? Stop touching my buns!
What do dogs love to eat for breakfast?
woofles
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