Watson: Sherlock, what type of rock is this amazing specimen?
Holmes: It’s sedimentary, my dear Watson.
What does Harry Potter use when sealing packages?
His Parceltongue.
When does soil get rich?
When mother nature makes it rain.
How do you wash a horse?
On a sponge-line.
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
Because she broke the record.
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
Q. Which doe did all the stags and bucks sing about in the 1960s?
A. Deer Prudence.
I hate getting into arguments with farmers about the best methods for keeping crows away.
They always resort to straw man arguments.
Why don’t leprechauns run?
They’d rather jig than jog.
“Remember not to leave a fire burning in your fireplace this Christmas Eve, or else you might wake up to a Crisp Kringle.”
What color sheet did the ghost wear on the 4th of July? Red, white, and boo.
What is the Abominable Snowman's favourite type of cup?
A yeti.
Two European frogs discuss their ancestry
"So, are you a complete french frog?"
"No. I'm a tad-pole."
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
What do you call an evil cow?
De-mooooon.
What do you call an illegally parked frog?
Toad.
Why doesn’t the sun go to college? Because it has a million degrees!
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid in existence? It’s pasteurized before you ever notice.
What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?
Comforter.
What does an artist call his sketch pad? A house.
How did the woman react when the doctor suggested she have a brain biopsy?
She gave him a piece of her mind.
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
Why do painters always fall for their models?
Because they love them with all of their art.
Why don't gorillas vote?
They're ape-political.
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
If you think the 45 degree ski slope is tough,
Wait until you try the 110 degree hot tub!
Ghosts are terrible liars because you can see right through them.
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
I wanna tell a joke about a girl who eats plants.
You've probably never heard of herbivore.
Saw a sign for bath plugs. I didn’t know that was electric!
What do oranges like to listen to?
Musical com-peel-ations.
How do you make a fish laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale.
What is a car’s favourite fashion accessory?
A clutch bag.
What does a millennial cowboy say?
Yeet Haw!
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s sea salt.
What kind of pasta do skeletons enjoy eating the most?
Elbow macaroni.
See snow evil, hear snow evil.
What do you get when you use a cookie cutter shaped like a deer? Cookie doe!
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
Did you expect to laugh at puns?
No, but they've groan on me!
Why did the banana go to see the doctor? The banana was not peeling very well.
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
Which car is a Ghost’s favourite? It is between a Boogatti or a Rolls-Royce Phantom.
What do you call a thirsty camel ?
A dry humper.
Woman’s Rejection: Sorry. I don’t date guys I pit-y
Why is it hard to carry on a conversation with a goat?
Because they are always butting in.
What Kind of Books do Rabbits Read? Ones with Hoppy Endings.
I hear the Minotaur is really stubborn....
He's really bull-headed.
What a werewolf movie, talk about howling!
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