A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it:
Doctor: I have good news and bad news.
Guy: "Whats the bad news?"
Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy."
Guy: OMG, and the good news?
Doc: You now have a tic tac toe.
Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway.
Me: I have an appointment to see the doctor.
Nurse: which doctor?
Me: No, just the regular one
The Doctor could tell right away the bucket was sick.
It was looking a bit pale.
Once there was a doctor who got shot. He adamantly wanted to perform surgery on himself, despite all of the other surgeons saying that he shouldn't.
But he was so insistent that they finally said "Fine, suture self."
The doctor told me I shouldn’t eat alphabet soup.
I suffer from irritable vowel syndrome.
Why did the doctor tell the nurse to walk past the pill cupboard quietly?
So she wouldn’t wake the sleeping pills.
Why did the house go to the doctor?
It was having window panes.
I ride share to work regularly, but if I'm in the backseat when we go through a tunnel I have a massive anxiety attack.
My doctor diagnosed me with Carpool Tunnel Syndrome.
Why was the doctor doing diarrhia research scared?
He had seen some sh*t go down.
Doctor 1: what’s his body temperature?
Doctor 2: it’s 90 degrees.
Doctor 1: What?! That’s can’t be right!
Doctor 2: No, it is.
Ya know, I was supposed to be a doctor.
But I just didn’t have the patience.
A guy walks into the doctors office complaining of rectal pain, upon examination, the doctor exclaims "Buddy, theres a piece of lettuce coming out of your butt!"
The guy looks to the doctor and says "thats only the tip of the iceburg!"
A small child was brought into hospital the other day after swallowing several small toy horses.
The doctors report that he is in a stable condition.
2 years ago, the doctor told me I was losing my hearing.
Haven't heard from him since then.
The best way to a man's heart is through his stomach."
The surgeon was fired later that day.
A man goes to the Doctor with a banana in one ear, a carrot in the other ear and a cucumber up his nose. “What’s wrong with me doc?” He asks.
“It’s easy, you're not eating properly.” the doctors replies.
Her name is Carly and she's a doctor
maybe I should C A Rly good doctor.
Did you know that doctors that perform circumscisions don’t make a lot of money for those operations?
They only get paid in tips.
Patient: ‘Doctor, I’ve swallowed a spoon.’
Doctor: ‘Sit down and don’t stir.’