My parents used my Uber to go and file the application ending their marriage.
I gave the driver one star. He drove my parents to divorce.
I recently broke up with my caterpillar girlfriend.
She'd changed.
What do you call a divorce but for bananas?
Banana split!
Why did Comic Sans divorce Times New Roman? He just wasn’t her type.
Why did the pig want a divorce?
Her husband was a boar.
If marriage is grand, what is divorce?
Ten grand!
My wife and I split up.
She got the “U” and I got the “P”
“Mr. Jones, I’ve reviewed this case very carefully,” said the divorce court judge, “And I’ve decided to give your wife $300 a week.”
“That’s very fair, your honor,” said the husband.
“I’ll try and send her a few bucks myself every now and then too.”
Unfortunately, the jumper cables are getting a divorce. They just had no spark.
Why did the wife divorce the baker?
Because he was much too kneady.
My Karate teacher is getting a divorce.
He is a great Sensei, but he's not very skilled at the marital arts.
The divorce lawyer told me to get my affairs in order.
I said, "alphabetically or by age?"
Why did the whisky divorce the glass?
Their marriage was on the rocks!
How are relationships similar to algebra?
Because sometimes you look at your X and wonder Y.
My birch of a wife just told me she wants a divorce. Says she’s tired of all of my tree puns.
Why did the Math teacher get a divorce?
He substituted his wife for an ex.
Why did the cat get divorced?
He was a cheetah.
My ex-husband was very responsible. If anything went wrong, he was usually responsible for it.
My wife threatened to divorce me when I said I was going to give our daughter a silly name...
So I called her Bluff.
Two white bears got married, but soon ended up unhappy and got divorced.
It’s as if they were polar opposites.
My wife said, "You act like a detective too much, I want to split up."
"Good idea!" I replied. "We can cover more ground that way!"
What’s the only thing divorce proves?
Whose mother was right in the first place.
Did you hear about the couple that split up over coffee?
The lawyer said there were grounds for divorce.
The king and queen of the animal kingdom were having marriage trouble.
"You're a cheetah!" said one to the other. "Oh yeah?" she replied,
"You're a lion!"
I broke up with my partner on our front stairs.
It was a stoop end to the situation.
The therapist asked my wife why she wanted to end our marriage. She said she hated all the constant Star Wars puns. I look at the therapist and said, "Divorce is strong with this one"
My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
He thought he was God, and I didn’t.
I asked my wife what she wanted for Valentine's Day and she told me she wanted a divorce.
I told her I wasn't planning on spending that much.
Why did the biology teacher and the physics teacher split up?
They had no chemistry!
Sadly, hydrogen and helium broke things off. But they still think of each other... periodically.
Why don't some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don't work out.
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