How do pickles celebrate their birthdays? They relish them.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
It was my wife's birthday the other day
I took her to an orchard and we stood there for 20 minutes.
Apparently it wasn't the Apple watch she wanted.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about
the present, I didn’t get you one.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
AYE, MATEY!
I just bought my friend a mini fridge for his birthday
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
I keep telling my wife I want a Segway for my birthday.
But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.
You know you’re getting old when…there is nothing left to learn the hard way.
My girlfriend made me one of those sculpted 3D cakes for my birthday but wouldn't stop reminding me how it took her all day to decorate it..
..which is surprising since to me it looked like a piece of cake.
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
Hey shawty, it’s sherbert day.
More candles means a bigger wish!
What did the Teddy Bear say after blowing out his birthday candles? No cake for me…I’m stuffed
What is every horses birthday wish?
A stable economy.
What type of music is scary for birthday balloons? Pop music!
What did the boy without hands get for his birthday?
Nobody knows, he hasn't got the package open yet.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.
It's my way or the Huawei.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
Behind every great parent is a great kid. Happy birthday!
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
Congrats on proving that getting older doesn’t mean getting wiser.
For my girlfriend's birthday I got her a dwarfish clown who told jokes...
It wasn't a great gift, but she appreciated the jester.
You did a grape job raisin me. Happy birthday!
What goes up but never comes down? Your age!
You are aged to perfection.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
Being related to me is the best birthday gift you could receive.
Be careful, too many birthdays can kill you!
You know you are getting older when the candles don’t fit on the cake.
I hope the only things that blow are candles and balloons. Have a great birthday!
Nobody showed up to my 16th birthday party,
I congratulated him on his win against Polyphemus and we started the party.