Why do pieces of popcorn always have great birthdays? Because they’re always popping!
Looking 50 is great! If you’re 60.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about
the present, I didn’t get you one.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.
It's my way or the Huawei.
For the record, you’re not old, you’re a classic.
More candles means a bigger wish!
This whole birthday thing is getting old, don’t you think?
For my girlfriend's birthday I got her a dwarfish clown who told jokes...
It wasn't a great gift, but she appreciated the jester.
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
Does a green candle burn longer than a pink candle? No they both burn shorter.
Birthday candles don’t exercise because they burn out too quickly!
You feta have a gouda birthday.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ....
You know, one would have been enough.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
The girls next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday.
But I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.
I hope the only things that blow are candles and balloons. Have a great birthday!
What did the Teddy Bear say after blowing out his birthday candles? No cake for me…I’m stuffed
What goes up but never comes down? Your age!
Remember the one about people queuing up for drinks at Old Faithful's birthday party?
You're not missing much; the punch line blows.
I keep telling my wife I want a Segway for my birthday.
But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.
You are one candle closer to starting a house fire.
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
Happy birthday to someone old enough to go vintage shopping in their own closet.
Behind every great parent is a great kid. Happy birthday!
You did a grape job raisin me. Happy birthday!
You know you’re getting old when…there is nothing left to learn the hard way.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
You are aged to perfection.
I just bought my friend a mini fridge for his birthday
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
You know you are getting older when the candles don’t fit on the cake.
They say everything gets better with age.
For my birthday, my friends gave me a bunch of dirt and sand.
I appreciated the sediment.
Being related to me is the best birthday gift you could receive.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
I know birthdays get worse as you get older. But look at the bright side — not too many left now.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
Wedding cake tastes just like Birthday cake
It just takes more commitment.
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