My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
You know you’re getting old when…there is nothing left to learn the hard way.
What type of music is scary for birthday balloons? Pop music!
You know you are getting older when the candles don’t fit on the cake.
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
What did the Teddy Bear say after blowing out his birthday candles? No cake for me…I’m stuffed
Be careful, too many birthdays can kill you!
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
I just bought my friend a mini fridge for his birthday
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
What goes up but never comes down? Your age!
Does a green candle burn longer than a pink candle? No they both burn shorter.
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
AYE, MATEY!
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ....
You know, one would have been enough.
You did a grape job raisin me. Happy birthday!
Looking 50 is great! If you’re 60.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about
the present, I didn’t get you one.
What did the boy without hands get for his birthday?
Nobody knows, he hasn't got the package open yet.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.
It's my way or the Huawei.
Birthday candles don’t exercise because they burn out too quickly!
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
I hope the only things that blow are candles and balloons. Have a great birthday!
I keep telling my wife I want a Segway for my birthday.
But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.
What is every horses birthday wish?
A stable economy.
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
I know birthdays get worse as you get older. But look at the bright side — not too many left now.
Wedding cake tastes just like Birthday cake
It just takes more commitment.
For my birthday, my friends gave me a bunch of dirt and sand.
I appreciated the sediment.
You’re not 50 years old, you are 20 years old with 30 years of experience!
More candles means a bigger wish!
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
They say everything gets better with age.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
Being related to me is the best birthday gift you could receive.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
Hey shawty, it’s sherbert day.
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
My girlfriend made me one of those sculpted 3D cakes for my birthday but wouldn't stop reminding me how it took her all day to decorate it..
..which is surprising since to me it looked like a piece of cake.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
Remember the one about people queuing up for drinks at Old Faithful's birthday party?
You're not missing much; the punch line blows.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
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