I know birthdays get worse as you get older. But look at the bright side — not too many left now.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
For my birthday, my friends gave me a bunch of dirt and sand.
I appreciated the sediment.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
What goes up but never comes down? Your age!
What did the Teddy Bear say after blowing out his birthday candles? No cake for me…I’m stuffed
They say everything gets better with age.
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
You are aged to perfection.
You know you’re getting old when…there is nothing left to learn the hard way.
What is every horses birthday wish?
A stable economy.
Behind every great parent is a great kid. Happy birthday!
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ....
You know, one would have been enough.
Why do pieces of popcorn always have great birthdays? Because they’re always popping!
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
What type of music is scary for birthday balloons? Pop music!
How do pickles celebrate their birthdays? They relish them.
You’re not 50 years old, you are 20 years old with 30 years of experience!
Looking 50 is great! If you’re 60.
More candles means a bigger wish!
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
Yo momma so fat...
She can't even fit into her Birthday Suit.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about
the present, I didn’t get you one.
This whole birthday thing is getting old, don’t you think?
You feta have a gouda birthday.
I just bought my friend a mini fridge for his birthday
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
I keep telling my wife I want a Segway for my birthday.
But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
Does a green candle burn longer than a pink candle? No they both burn shorter.
Being related to me is the best birthday gift you could receive.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
For my girlfriend's birthday I got her a dwarfish clown who told jokes...
It wasn't a great gift, but she appreciated the jester.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.
It's my way or the Huawei.
You know you are getting older when the candles don’t fit on the cake.
Remember the one about people queuing up for drinks at Old Faithful's birthday party?
You're not missing much; the punch line blows.
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
What did the boy without hands get for his birthday?
Nobody knows, he hasn't got the package open yet.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
Happy birthday to someone old enough to go vintage shopping in their own closet.
You are one candle closer to starting a house fire.
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