“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
Congrats on proving that getting older doesn’t mean getting wiser.
I just bought my friend a mini fridge for his birthday
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
Looking 50 is great! If you’re 60.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
How do pickles celebrate their birthdays? They relish them.
You are aged to perfection.
Why do pieces of popcorn always have great birthdays? Because they’re always popping!
What type of music is scary for birthday balloons? Pop music!
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
This whole birthday thing is getting old, don’t you think?
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
Nobody showed up to my 16th birthday party,
I congratulated him on his win against Polyphemus and we started the party.
You are one candle closer to starting a house fire.
You’re not 50 years old, you are 20 years old with 30 years of experience!
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.
It's my way or the Huawei.
Being related to me is the best birthday gift you could receive.
The girls next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday.
But I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
They say everything gets better with age.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
Does a green candle burn longer than a pink candle? No they both burn shorter.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
You know you are getting older when the candles don’t fit on the cake.
You know you’re getting old when…there is nothing left to learn the hard way.
Remember the one about people queuing up for drinks at Old Faithful's birthday party?
You're not missing much; the punch line blows.
Happy birthday to someone old enough to go vintage shopping in their own closet.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
I hope the only things that blow are candles and balloons. Have a great birthday!
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ....
You know, one would have been enough.
For the record, you’re not old, you’re a classic.
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
Behind every great parent is a great kid. Happy birthday!
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
Be careful, too many birthdays can kill you!
What is every horses birthday wish?
A stable economy.
For my girlfriend's birthday I got her a dwarfish clown who told jokes...
It wasn't a great gift, but she appreciated the jester.
You did a grape job raisin me. Happy birthday!
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
I keep telling my wife I want a Segway for my birthday.
But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.
You feta have a gouda birthday.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
My girlfriend made me one of those sculpted 3D cakes for my birthday but wouldn't stop reminding me how it took her all day to decorate it..
..which is surprising since to me it looked like a piece of cake.
Yo momma so fat...
She can't even fit into her Birthday Suit.
What did the Teddy Bear say after blowing out his birthday candles? No cake for me…I’m stuffed
I know birthdays get worse as you get older. But look at the bright side — not too many left now.
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