Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.