Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
Ah! The element of surprise.
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses