How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.