My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
What kind of plant generates the most energy? A power plant.”
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.