In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her