Why are the railroad tracks angry? Because people are always crossing them.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!
What is as big as a steam locomotive, but weighs nothing? Its shadow.
Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.
First time hunters were arguing over which kind of animal tracks they had found when they were hit by a train.
Those who steal trains must have a loco–motive!
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
I was running to catch a train yesterday, but just as I was approaching it...
I realized my net wasn't big enough.
Where do crabs and lobsters catch their trains?
King's Crustation.
What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? A chew-chew train.
How do locomotives hear? Through the engineers!
I don’t want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
If you walk along a railroad track you may soon feel run down.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
A railroad engineer must be sure not to lose his train of thought or he might go down the wrong track.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
How can you tell a train just went by? A. You can see it’s tracks!
The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says “Choo Choo Choo!”
What did the monster say when he saw a rush hour train full of passengers? Oh good! A chew chew train!
Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?
He wasn't trained for this.
Why do you have to wait so long for a train on Halloween? They only run a skeleton service.
Why did the monster eat the caboose? The locomotive told it to choo choo.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
What did the Mama Steam Engine say to her Baby Steam Engine at supper time? “Choo choo!”
Why are ghosts no good at running a railway? A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
What do you call a train that sneezes? Achoo-choo train.
I just quit my job as a train driver a few weeks ago.
I can't help but feel that my life has gone off the rails since.
Why did the train have to rush to the bathroom?
It’s been toot toot tootin all day long!
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
I tried to tell my favourite joke about trains, but it got derailed.
Why did the Mexican train robber rob the train?
Because he had a loco-motive.
What kind of a car does a crazy man drive? A LOCOmotive.
How long does it take for electricity to travel the length of a 10 car train?
It all depends on the conductor.
Did you hear about the man who sat next to his clone on the train?
He was beside himself.
How do trains eat?
They chew chew.
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
What do you call a locomotive with a cold? A choo choo train.
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
I am on the train and a light just came on saying the toilet is engaged.
Congratulations, toilet!
I know someone who tried to run away after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
Why can’t the engineer be electrocuted? Because he’s not a conductor!
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn’t trained.
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road.”
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