An astronaut broke up with his girlfriend
Apparently he didn't love her to the moon and back.
What ingredient is essential when baking a Star Wars cake?
Bicarbonate of Yoda
The sun is mad at the clouds because the clouds keep throwing shade.
What makes politicians and planets similar?
They both take up space.
My wife just yelled that I should fall in a pit or hole sunk into the earth to reach a supply of water and die.
I know she means well.
Mooning is very ASStrological
Why does nobody invite Jupiter to the space parties? Because he has too much gas, always…
Sun to Earth, on the night of 31st December:
"Let's have another round, shall we?"
Scientists permit us to see the sun in different light.
Why did the cow go right up to the spaceship? To see the Mooooooooooon.
Mountains aren't just funny.
They're hill areas.
Why does Moon goes to the bank? To change his quarters.
My daughter asked me, "Why are the two planets coming close together?"
"Well, you see... When two planets love each other they can come together in holy astro nomy."
How will you make the earth clean? By giving it a meteor shower.
How did the space criminal escape from the prison planet?
He achieved escape velocity.
It is difficult to hold up a trouser. How does Jupiter does it? Simply, with an asteroid belt.
Why should the Sun get into a school? To get brighter.
Why people did not like the restaurant on? Because there was literally no atmosphere.
Why an astronaut can be said similar to a football player? They both strive for touchdowns!
When should astronauts retire?
When they start spacing out.
What spread do astronauts use on their toast?
. . . Space jam
How do you organise a welcome party for an alien race?
You planet.
The moon landing is obviously fake.
The moon is clearly still up there.
What do you call an alien spaceship that's leaking water?
A crying saucer.
Is that the Dog star? You can’t be Sirius!
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
I was up all night wondering where the sun had gone for so long but then it finally dawned on me.
How can astronauts get more protein in their diet? They make it meteor.
What do moon people do after they get married?What do moon people do after they get married?
Go on their honeyearth.
How many astronomers will it take to just change a lightbulb? None, they like the dark.
Why do you think is the moon bald? Because it has no ‘air.
Warning! Do not look at the sun through a colander.
You'll strain your eyes.
I debated a flat earther once. He stormed off saying he’d walk to the edge of the Earth to prove me wrong.
He’ll come around eventually.
Last evening I walked up the hill in the park to see the planets. Stumbled over a lip in the concrete and went down pretty hard. Ripped pants and skinned hands and knees. When I got to the top I couldn't see a thing.
The view was NOT worth the trip.
SpaceX is launching astronauts today with a new space catapult
Bringing forth a new era of crude spaceflight.
"I heard some dictator wants to move the Earth further from the sun."
"Why??"
"Because it will take longer to make a full revolution."
What do you think holds the moon up? Moonbeams.
Why does the earth appreciate the moon so much?
It keeps the oceans tidy.
What do you call an alien with three eyes?
An aliiien.
Why is the moon a wanted criminal?
It’s constantly mooning people.
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid on the planet?
It's pasteurized before you see it.
What did Neil Armstrong say when people didn't laugh at his moon jokes?
"I guess you had to be there."
How do astronauts prepare for a birthday party
They planet.
My wife will never forget falling asleep in the sun with her breast exposed.
It’s forever burned in her mammary.
What planet is next to Uranus?
Poopiter.
What holds the moon up?
Moonbeams!
What’s the suns favorite clothes brand?
Kelvin Klein.
Tomorrow the planet will be one year older..
Happy bEarthday!
What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!
The sun replies: I hurt everyone when they come close to me.