Why did the realtor buy his home right beside a porta-potty?
Because it was a leakfront property!
A brand new real estate agent walks into a Realtor’s office for their interview. “It says here you quit your last job selling duct tape after only three months,” the Realtor asked. “Why did you quit?” “I just couldn’t stick with it,” they responded.
How can you tell if a real estate agent is British?
They’re all about proper tea.
How does a dual agent sleep?
Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
The last buyer I worked with wasn’t that bright.
When I handed him an exclusive buyer agreement that said “sign here” at the bottom, instead of signing his name, he just wrote “Capricorn.”
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it. It’s over your head.
What type of real estate transactions do dwarves prefer?
Short sales.
Never bet on real estate. The house always wins.
Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.
What’s a real estate agent’s favorite song?
“For Lease Navidad.”
Why do people take an instant dislike to real estate agents?
To save time.
Why did an agent decide to hide his realtor license?
Because he wanted to be a secret agent.
How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.
My realtor sold me a two-story house.
One story before the offer, another story after the offer.
You just can’t trust real estate developers.
They’re always busy with plots and schemes.
Why didn’t the hipster real estate agent show the ocean-side mansion?
It was too current.
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
What did the happy realtor say to his client after making the deal?
He said, "Well, all's well that dwells well."
What’s that feeling you get every month when the mortgage is due?
Homesick.
Why was the realtor in counseling?
He couldn’t get closure.
I tried bidding on a shopping center in a real estate auction, but someone outbid me at the last minute. I guess the old saying is true…
You can’t win a mall.
Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?
He was a loaner.
Why do realtors love skateboards?
Because they can flip them whenever they want!
The man who invented the door knocker won a no-bell prize.
How many realtors are needed to change a bulb?
Five. One to change, and four others to say they would have done it for a lower price.
Why did the realtor open a bakery shop?
Because he was dealing in dough!
What is the only similarity between a UFO and an affordable agent?
You usually hear about both but can never ever see one!
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
How many insects do you need to make money from your rental property?
Ten-ants.
What did the realtor say to his wife?
"Speaking with you felt like buying a house for the first time - thrilling and nervous."
What do real estate agents have to be thankful for this year?
Lots.
The real estate in my neighborhood has become so expensive that only cats can afford it.
You need nine lives to pay it off.
My real estate agent lied. He said my house had a 1,000 carpet area, but I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there...
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
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