A realtor is passing out information for a house as potential buyers are walking in at an open house. A guy says, “Hey, can I see one of those pamphlets?”
The realtor replies, “Brochure.”
Why is it a bad idea to pick a fight with a real estate agent?
They can flip houses whenever they want!
The last buyer I worked with wasn’t that bright.
When I handed him an exclusive buyer agreement that said “sign here” at the bottom, instead of signing his name, he just wrote “Capricorn.”
Why do realtors not buy houses near stables?
Because they will always be worried about their next-door neigh-bors!
The real estate in my neighborhood has become so expensive that only cats can afford it.
You need nine lives to pay it off.
How can you tell if a real estate agent is British?
They’re all about proper tea.
What type of real estate transactions do dwarves prefer?
Short sales.
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
My realtor sold me a two-story house.
One story before the offer, another story after the offer.
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
The man who invented the door knocker won a no-bell prize.
How does a dual agent sleep?
Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
When it comes to board games about buying real estate, Hasbro has a monopoly…
You just can’t trust real estate developers.
They’re always busy with plots and schemes.
Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it. It’s over your head.
What did the manager say to the realtor who kept forgetting to sign the agreement?
He said, "Just do the deed."
Why didn’t the hipster real estate agent show the ocean-side mansion?
It was too current.
Why do people take an instant dislike to real estate agents?
To save time.
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
Which Led Zeppelin song do realtors love most?
“A Whole Lot Of Love.”
I have no problem with listings with finished basements.
They’re my best cellars!
What did the realtor reply when I asked if he liked reading real estate magazines?
"Yes, I love reading them but only periodically".
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.
They always have the lawn sprinkler on… It’s a source of constant irrigation.
I tried bidding on a shopping center in a real estate auction, but someone outbid me at the last minute. I guess the old saying is true…
You can’t win a mall.
What do real estate agents have to be thankful for this year?
Lots.
What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
A brand new real estate agent walks into a Realtor’s office for their interview. “It says here you quit your last job selling duct tape after only three months,” the Realtor asked. “Why did you quit?” “I just couldn’t stick with it,” they responded.
Never bet on real estate. The house always wins.
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.
Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?
It had a window-pane.
What are the three things most important to bats about their local real estate?
Echolocation. Echolocation. Echolocation.
My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.
Why was a realtor amused by solving a house jigsaw puzzle in just five weeks?
The box read for 10-14 years!
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with, "Hey bro, house it going?"
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