Enjoy goblin up all your Halloween candy — just don't let it go to waist!
Son: Dad, did you know they used to carve turnips on Halloween?
Dad: They must have been out of their gourds.
Why did the Vampire read The New York Times? He heard it had great circulation.
For Halloween I’m going to write “Life” on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers
“Halloween” = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.
For Halloween, one of my sons dressed up as the clown from IT, and another son as a Twitter hashtag. They asked me my opinion...
I said "Penny wise, pound foolish"
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin. I told him I'd gourd it with my life!
What did the Turkey do on Halloween?
He was a goblin
My aunt showed up to our Halloween party wearing ranch bottle costume. She was an hour late.
Her response: Sorry, I was getting dressed.
I dressed up as a jousting lance for Halloween, but nobody got it.
I thought it was pretty straight forward.
No matter what costumes they wear, when the Halloween candy comes out, everyone is a goblin!
I went to a Halloween party wearing a pie shell and carrying a shepherds crook.
"What on earth are you supposed to be?" "I'm a spy" "A spy?. What kinda of spy wears a pie costume and carries a crook?"
A shepherds spy.
why are the discarded papers that once held the halloween candy just like vocalists who have lost their rhythm, art, and poetry?
they are both empty rappers
Why do skeleton's make such good comedians? They have so many funny bones.
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
I don't trust pumpkins. They're seedy.
What do you call a Halloween boner? Petrified wood
When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day
“I found this humerus” is the perfect Halloween pun for boneheads.
My new Halloween cookies are bringing everyone back for more!
I call them boo merginues.
For Halloween I'm going to dress as a donkey with a kilt
I'm going to be an ascot
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