What do you call an ant who skips school?
A truant.
What would you rather be, a polar bear or a little otter. A little (h)otter
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
Why has the prosthesis dealer become a private detective?
He has a nose for these things.
What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?
A brush with death
I was sick, and my whole body turned colorful. The doctor took a look and said that I had a color infection, which is caused by the Crayola virus.s
What do you call a Halloween boner? Petrified wood
Summer is just floating by.
I went to my kid's school for an art exhibition
It was paper view.
What is the coldest type of horse?
A freezian.
Beat funny horse puns
What’s a horse’s favorite makeup brand?
Neighhhbelline.
Q. Where do red, orange, yellow, green, blue and violet crayons like to go hiking?
A. Colorado.
Don't theater jokes always seem so staged?
What is the onion that laughs a lot and is small and white in color? It is a tickled onion.
I joined the French Submarine Corps to learn how to deal with the loss of a loved one.
They taught me periscoping techniques.
What did the deer say after prancing around a cloning machine for an hour?
“I feel like a million bucks!”
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
Why did the man continue to eat whole peaches? Because he has a bottomless pit.
Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day?
The client wanted a house with really long haul ways.
Today, my arm got pinned between my wife's chest and the chair.
It was booby trapped.
What did the apple teacher say to her student? Help me orange the chairs please!
What do you call a clock on the moon?
A lunartick.
What did they Turkey say to the blade of grass? Nice knawing you!
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
Why was the painter upset when his doctor bought all of his paintings? The doctor thought the paintings would go up in value after his death.
What is a polar bear’s favorite cereal?
Ice Crispies.
The public investigated a box full of crows because it was a murder case.
Couple of friends have decided to put theatre style seats in their house. It will end in tiers.
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his donut?
He was stuffed!
Authorities have been trying to figure out how the Worcestershire sauce truck spilled...
But it's hard to say...
Where did the mermaid go on a date?
She was catching a movie at the dive-in.
When do monkeys fall from the sky?
During ape-ril showers.
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
From the b-autumn of my heart, I love fall!
What do penguins eat for lunch?
Ice-bergers!
Why did the cheerleader add extra salt to her food in the summer?
She wanted to do summer-salts.
What makes more noise than a dinosaur ? Two dinosaurs!
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
Local weather reports state there won't be any rain for 1 year, but I drought it.
As a school project, we wanted to perform a Jesus play
but the only guy who had the traditional famous Jesus look had blond hair.
We begged him to dye it black, but he refused.
After explaining it to his parents, they agreed to let their son dye for our scenes.
Onions have had a long process in the evolutionary chain. They have evolved into today's onions from onionderthals.
What do dinosaurs put on their pizza? Tomato-saurus
What do you call someone who rips up books?
A tear-orist.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Why did the elephant ask to borrow a suitcase?
Because he only had a little trunk.
Why don't matches play baseball?
Because one strike, and they're out.
What do you call a frog hanging from the ceiling at Christmas?
Mistletoad.
What’s a racehorse’s favorite clothing brand? Jockey.
My dad works in a steel plant.
He says it's very riveting.
What do you call the Greek God of Mexican chickens?
Apollo
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