I stumbled upon people arguing about trains in my town.
I told them, what’s the lo-commotion?
When the orange started peeling, he was glad it was finally cutting some weight.
What do you get if you feed gunpowder to a chicken?
An egg-splosion.
Who cleans all the mess created by beavers after their beach trip? Mer-maids.
You're so clover!
What’s the best time for Frankenstein to go to a party?
Fright now.
Why do microwaves always mess up WiFi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
Q: What do you call a gust of wind that blows a tall guys onto a basketball court?
A: The NBA draft
What should you do when you play volleyball against a team of satanists? You beat the hell out of them.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
Come witch me to the party.
What did the owl booty text his girlfriend?
I’ve been thinking about you owl night long.
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
What's green and wears a cape?
Super Pickle.
How does the sun say hi to the moon?
With a heat wave!
Why do travel nurses and boxers get along?
They know how to stick and move.
Did you hear about the crab who went to a seafood disco?
He pulled a mussel.
What did Sherlock Holmes say when he caught the Christmas tree bandit? It was elemen-tree, my dear Watt-son.
What do you learn in witch school?
Spelling.
Have you botany plants lately?
How do you defeat a meat-loving vampire? With a steak to the heart!
Why did the witch's team lose the cricket game?
Their bats flew away.
If marriage is grand, what is divorce?
Ten grand!
I've been trying to think of an electrical pun but now my head Hertz.
When the rainbow decided to speak out at the meeting of all weathers, someone said 'Look hue's talking.'
What do you drink with the Queen of England? Royal-Tea.
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with an elephant? An animal who never forgets to eat its carrots.
Let's pumpkin spice things up a bit
What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast?
Woofles.
What did the monster say when he saw a rush hour train full of passengers? Oh good! A chew chew train!
My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with, "Hey bro, house it going?"
Where do cows go on vacation?
Moo York.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice. Nothing he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.
I was waiting at the airport baggage carousel, and noticed that everyone else had a better bag than me.
It was ....the worst case scenario.
Are there any funny red wine puns at BabaMail Jokes?
You bet Shiraz there are!
What do you drink if you want to freshen your breath? Mint-Tea.
What is black, purple, blue, yellow and white?
Sugilite, sardonyx and opal all fighting over a gumball.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite year?
A leap year.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
There was a bull in the neighborhood who would always vandalize my farm. Guess it was because I harvested Spanish onions.
How do trees get on a computer?
They just log in.
Which Old Testament prophet took forever to make a point?
“I say… uhhh…” (say it out loud)
What do you call a Mexican snake?
Hisssspanic.
Grandma: Do you like Hummus? Me: I love Hummus....and I sometimes like to singus!
"You round me out." — High Card Band
How did that avocado baker make bread?
With avoca-dough.
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