What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
What's the opposite of a positive crocodile?
A negator
Why was the whale so sad?
The fish was said because he was a Blue whale!
What is a lion’s favourite cheese?
Roarquefort
The most suitable way to bake a pie in autumn is to bake it to pie-fection!
What is an outlet’s favorite song?
I’ve Got The Power.
Our church band is just two ladies on percussion...
It’s quite the CoNunDrum
Q: Why does a hurricane wear a monocle?
A: It has only had one eye!
Q: What’s a tiger’s favorite color?
A: Roar-range.
What did the flower do when she was challenged?
Rose to the occasion.
What did the baby deer say to his friend?
“I’m so fawn-d of you!”
What is a snake’s favorite subject in school?
Hisstory.
What is a koala’s favorite soft drink? Koka-Koala, of course!
What is American football called in other countries?
30.48 cm ball.
"Happy eggster."
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
What did the Mama Steam Engine say to her Baby Steam Engine at supper time? “Choo choo!”
In Ireland, when the cows are in the road it’s udder chaos.
Did you hear about the owl who married a goat?
The had a hootenanny.
Why do vampires eat lentils?
Because they are so into pulses.
I asked a vampire if I could borrow some money. He told me he needed to go to the blood bank.
What do you call a woman with one leg?
ILENE.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
Why did the deer get braces?
Because he had buck teeth.
I wanted to do the dishes and wasn’t sure where I put the dish soap.
Then it Dawned on me.
Why won’t the mushroom buy a couch? - He prefers toadstools.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a water hose?
Hare spray.
I got sacked from my job at the guillotine factory today
It’s a cut throat business
My friend learned Spanish by jotting sentences repeatedly...
He used wrote learning.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
Do you want to hear a joke about a bolt of lightning?
Actually, maybe not. The end is rather shocking.
Do you know what the favourite soup of a ghost is? It is the Scream of Broccoli.
I didn’t know you could vape a chocolate bar until my wife told me to stop inhaling them.
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
I told my son to go find out what "nada" means in english
But he came back with nothing
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
Why do they put fences around graveyards? Because people are dying to get in!
What do goblins and ghosts drink when they’re hot and thirsty on Halloween?
Ghoul-aid!!!
Interesting that illegally copying on computers is known as piracy.
I suppose you CTRL C
What do you call a necromancer werewolf?
A dog with a bone.
What did the hippocampus say during its retirement speech?
"Thanks for the memories."
There was so much crackling on the line, I thought a pig was disturbing the phone.
What do chickens call school tests?
Eggs-aminations.
How do sheep greet each other during the holidays? Fleece Navidad!
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
I heard Frozen University is banning anyone who got the COVID vaccine from returning for the spring quarter
I guess if you get vaccinated you won’t be headed to the ICU.
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
Ears.
Ears who?
Ears one more beaver joke for you.
I saw the Liberty Bell.
It's not all it's cracked up to be.
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