Octopus ocular optics.
Some see a puddle of mosquito larva.
I see a pool of enbitenment.
Can you name 10 dinosaurs in 10 seconds? Yes, 8 Iguanadons and 2 Stegasaurus.
When the egg saw the pan, it was terri-fried.
Which element is a member of famous rock band?
Hg
What did mother werewolf say to the naughty boy werewolf?
- We're werewolves, not swear-wolves.
If you are going to sleep, I wish you suite dreams.
What do you call a Mexican bear with a rubber toe?
Robearto.
I’ve been selected to hide eggs in my town’s big Easter festival next year!
This is an eggs-hiding opportunity!
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
While browsing the bookshop, I stuck a sheet of A4 paper to my wife's spine.
She said she wanted a paperback for her birthday.
Why did the viper, viper nose?
Because the adder, adder hankerchief.
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
What do red berries say during the season they love best? Cherry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions?
I haven’t seen you in light years.
Hassock hassock, black spotted hassock. Black spot on a black back of a black spotted hassock.
Why did Wonder Woman rescue the Wine?
Because that's what grape lady superheroes do!
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
I honestly cannot deal with puns.
But I can with a deck of cards.
Apparently Dracula sets up a password for every website so he can click on Your Account.
Someone left their tea on my desk. It smells so good, but I won't drink it. That's just not my cup of tea.
What sport do wasps love?
Sting-pong.
What did the father buffalo say to his kid when he left for college?
Bi son!
You’re my pot of gold.
Where do bats keep their money?
The blood bank.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
Where do you find the nicest children in the world?
Germany. They're kinder.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
A tennis ball walks into a bar.
The bar man asks: “have you been served?”
Why should you never fight a Gorilla?
They know king kong fu.
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
He has some good puns on crows, but he doesn’t have to keep crowing about it.
What does a penguin where to the beach?
An ice cap.
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
Why do bears have sticky fur?
Because they use honey combs.
Why did the bat walk in her pijamas to take a bath?
Because she did not have a bat robe.
Why do anti vaxxers hate vaccine jokes?
They never get them.
A never-ending natural supply of beer?
Hops springs eternal.
Made the mistake of offering my realtor some lipton iced tea
I forgot that he only drinks realty.
What do you call an elf who hasn’t had a date in two years or more?
Elf on the shelf.
I told my husband that the National Zoo's sloth bear gave birth but ate two of the three babies. He said "now she's guilty of 2 deadly sins: sloth and gluttony."
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
A chemical in science class can make your hands go numb
But math will make you number.
What would you get if you'd put a lawyer in a suit? A lawsuit.
What do cats eat on hot days?
Mice cream.
I like you a latke!
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