How does a bee get to school?
She takes a school buzz
What kind of bread does a racehorse eat?
Thoroughbred.
Why did the Mexican take Xanax?
For hispanic attacks.
What do you call a reindeer ghost? A cari-boo!
I like dillos, but do not support giving them guns.
I would never armadillo.
What kind of doctor is always available?
An on-call-ogist.
How did the horse break into the mainframe?
It was a hack.
What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole? A Hot Cross bunny.
What do you call a very smart bunny? An egghead.
What do you call a bear who practices dentistry?
A molar bear.
A round of Santa-plause, please.
What do you call an evil cow?
De-mooooon.
In the 1970s, hippies loved going to a Grateful Dead concert and getting toasted. That’s certainly the truth.
Cold showers are the best...
...Once you warm up to them
I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.
Where is a flamingo’s favourite place to dance? The hop, of course!
What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line!
Did you hear about the ocean and sea having a baby?
It was a buoy!
I went to watch a play and there were so many peach errors in the dialogues.
I saw a really cool kangaroo the other day
It had a hip hop
What do you call a rental car in Spain?
A Barceloaner.
What do you think they use in space, when they run out of the drinking cups? The Big Dipper.
My wife misplace the sugar with the salt in her sugar cookies.
It was sodium disgusting.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy
What happens to witches who break the school rules?
They get ex-spelled.
What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
Chardon-neigh!
A man meets a fairy.
"I grant you 2 wishes" , says the fairy.
"I want a bottle of beer that never gets empty" , says the man.
He starts to drink. After two minutes he stops drinking and the bottle is still full.
"And youre second wish?" the fairy asks.
"Another one of those."
Why don’t alligators watch movies?
Because they live in swamps.
What chord does jesus play on guitar?
Gsus
It ain’t over till it’s clover.
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
What does Eric Clapton and a cup of coffee have in common? They both suck without Cream.
"What do tofu and a dildo have in common?" "They are both meat substitutes!"
What is a tree’s favorite geometry shape? The treeangle.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
Friends are like condoms: They protect you when things get hard.
I recently found a round, black piece of plastic, with a hole in the middle and grooves on both sides. I picked it up and threw it. It flew for more than 300 yards
I'm sure that must have been a record.
What do you call it when the Bigfoot in charge makes pasta for all the others?
Alpha Yeti Spaghetti!
What type of trunks do foresters wear to the swimming pool?
Tree trunks!
What does a triangle palm like to study in school? Trigonometree.
Do you comma here often?
What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory? All that was left was de brie.
How does a penguin build it’s house?
Igloos it together.
What happened when the cargo ship full of books sank?
It caused a title wave!
The little boy autumn-bled over the pile of fallen leaves and yellow-d for help.
Why are environmentalists bad at playing cards? They like to avoid the flush.
Why did the hawk sit on the church’s steeple?
It was a bird of pray.
Vampires are not even real. Unless you Count Dracula.
For Valentines Day, I decided to get my wife some beads for an abacus.
It’s the little things that count.
All potato puns are pomme de terrible.
What steps do you take when you see a tiger running towards you? Big ones!
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