What did the brain say after it got an electrical shock?
"This was a stimulating experience."
Why are neuroanatomy classes the smartest?
They have lots of brains.
My dad just told me something that sent a chill down my spine.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
What does a frog in Paris eat?
French Flies.
I prefer the new system to reviewing line calls. When Hawk-eye came around, I breathed a big Cy-clops of relief.
During the divorce, the judge couldn't decide who got the shack in the backyard, despite our numerous arguments.
It was a case of he shed, she shed.
What's a goat's favorite organ?
A Kid-ney
What do you call an amazing day up a mountain? A peak experience.
Mountains aren't just funny.
They're hill areas.
How are pirates like trumpets?
They murder the high C’s!
What did the baby computer call its father?
Data.
What do the squirrels do when they are bored ?
watch NutFlix
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
What do you think they use in space, when they run out of the drinking cups? The Big Dipper.
I think I found my perfect match
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
What does a gingerbread man put on his bed?
A cookie sheet!
If a woman with big breasts works at Hooters, where does someone with one leg work?
IHOP.
What did the ghost knights say to the cloud king?
Our souls will rain forever.
How Do Ducks Talk?
They don't, you quack.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
Why are eyes always the last organ harvested?
because they dilate.
Son: “Hey Dad, can we go to the beach?”
Dad: “Shore?”
Why did the computer come with airbags?
In case it crashed.
There’s so much to do here so I’m never Bordeaux-ed.
When I arrived onset on a cloudy, dreary day, too many actors had been hired for the small part...
It was overcast.
What's green and dangerous?
A frog with a hand-grenade.
Which mammal absolutely loves Merlot and Cabernet?
The Wineoceros.
"Can you help me get this pots and pans drawer in order? Something seems stuck here", My wife said one morning.
To which I said, "Sure honey, I hope this pans out"
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
Singular: One mango
Plural: Two menwent
What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat?
‘Here Kitty, kitty, kitty’!
I like you a latke!
So apparently coles has a new thing where you can only have one salad per transaction
They’re calling it coleslaw..
Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek?
Because he was always spotted.
What does a pizza wear to smell good?
Calzogne.
Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous.
I see a few new faces here this week and I must say I am very disappointed.
My doctor told me that I needed I kidney
I told her no. I'd prefer an adult-knee.
Better read than dead.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
What does the father deer say to the mother deer to show his love?
“I love you deerly!”
On a keyboard, nothing is under control.
How are a volleyball coach and a dentist similar? They both use drills.
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
Why shouldn’t you take corn on an airplane?
Your ears will pop!
What did the father say to his falling son?
Son, you've got potential.
What’s a skeletons favorite wrestling event?
A rib cage match.
Bus ticket inspectors: You’ve really got to hand it to them.
What do you say when you want a flower to drive faster?
Floret.
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