What trophy do you get if you never score any points? The Art Rouse.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
Did you hear about the birds of prey on black Friday?
It was a free for owl.
If pigs learned to fly, would the price of bacon skyrocket?
skyrocket
Why should anyone experiment with thin ice?
It’s the best way to achieve a major breakthrough.
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
What does a gardener call the tree surgeon who also makes a great cup of coffee?
Arbor-ista.
What do you call royal pineapple? Your pine-ness.
What do you call a person who illegally delivers hugs from country to country?
An international snuggler
How do you know that beer makes you smarter?
Because it made bud wiser.
Where do eggs go on holiday?
New Yolk.
The pun class we attended totally tortoise nothing.
We had a lively debate in physics.
It was a conversation of energy.
According to Greek mythology, Chiron was a half horse half human doctor.
This made him the Centaur for Disease Control.
Why was King Arthur’s army too tired to fight?
All of those sleepless knights.
Why did one camel spit and stomp when the other camel stole its cheese?
Because they’re “dramadairies”
You’re sledding a fine line there.
I was conned into believing that my hotel room in Moscow had free Wifi.
I remember the ad saying: Internyet.
What did the girl dinosaur ask her pet dog?
"Do you want some tea, Rex?"
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake?
“What’s eating you?”
Which Star Wars character was the orange cast for?
Emperor Pulpatine.
Have you heard of the tallest tower in France?
It’s a real Eiffel.
Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.
It comes in two very large dosey-doses.
Why is a baby showing the top of its head during labor a significant event?
Because that’s the baby’s crowning achievement.
What do you call a bee that lives in a mud hive?
An adobee!
Have you heard about the chef on space station? He’s not that much of an astronaut, but his food is literally out of this world!
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
What is a koala’s favorite type of fruit? Bearies.
What do French cherry parents say to their little cherries at home? You are mon cherry.
What do you call a lie told by a skeleton?
A fibula.
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
What do you call a greedy ant?
An anteater.
What type of elements know everybody on earth?
Met-all.
What is a crocodiles favourite dessert?
Brandy snaps.
What do France and a pigeon have in common?
Every 5 minutes, there is a coo.
It’s a winterful day!
I wanted to do the dishes and wasn’t sure where I put the dish soap.
Then it Dawned on me.
What is known as the world's wettest animal? Rain-deer.
The best place for a ghost to go on holiday is The Dead Sea.
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
Flat-Earthers hate the fact our planet is spherical, whereas Asgard is flat.
It's a Thor subject for them.
What cheese should you use to hide a horse? Mascarpone.
A boy sees an alligator in the zoo and shouts,
“Hey, are you a caiman?”
The alligator replies, “I’m alright, thanks, kid!”
Flamingos are great to go out with, because they all party like flock stars.
Variety is the ice of life.
Where do penguins go to the movies?
At the dive-in!
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
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