I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.
It's my way or the Huawei.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
Congrats on proving that getting older doesn’t mean getting wiser.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
For my girlfriend's birthday I got her a dwarfish clown who told jokes...
It wasn't a great gift, but she appreciated the jester.
I keep telling my wife I want a Segway for my birthday.
But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
Yo momma so fat...
She can't even fit into her Birthday Suit.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
What goes up but never comes down? Your age!
Happy birthday to someone old enough to go vintage shopping in their own closet.
Wedding cake tastes just like Birthday cake
It just takes more commitment.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
Nobody showed up to my 16th birthday party,
I congratulated him on his win against Polyphemus and we started the party.
My girlfriend made me one of those sculpted 3D cakes for my birthday but wouldn't stop reminding me how it took her all day to decorate it..
..which is surprising since to me it looked like a piece of cake.
You feta have a gouda birthday.
You’re not 50 years old, you are 20 years old with 30 years of experience!
What did the Teddy Bear say after blowing out his birthday candles? No cake for me…I’m stuffed
Looking 50 is great! If you’re 60.
Being related to me is the best birthday gift you could receive.
Birthday candles don’t exercise because they burn out too quickly!
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
Why do pieces of popcorn always have great birthdays? Because they’re always popping!
I just bought my friend a mini fridge for his birthday
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
You know you are getting older when the candles don’t fit on the cake.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
What did the boy without hands get for his birthday?
Nobody knows, he hasn't got the package open yet.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
For my birthday, my friends gave me a bunch of dirt and sand.
I appreciated the sediment.
You are one candle closer to starting a house fire.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
AYE, MATEY!
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
It was my wife's birthday the other day
I took her to an orchard and we stood there for 20 minutes.
Apparently it wasn't the Apple watch she wanted.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
You did a grape job raisin me. Happy birthday!
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
I hope the only things that blow are candles and balloons. Have a great birthday!
They say everything gets better with age.
You are aged to perfection.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ....
You know, one would have been enough.
For the record, you’re not old, you’re a classic.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
Hey shawty, it’s sherbert day.
Go to BabaMail
