Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book.
The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
Old Norse cuisine is simply not to my Viking.
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?
Norse America.
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
A viking adds symbols to an axe he has just made ...
" Oh no iv runed it"
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
What do you call a Swedish cycling group?
Viking Biking
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
Vikings weren't exactly the best at drinking contests.
They were quite MEADiocre.
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
Was Henry VI a ViKing?
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Norvegan.
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
Who succeeded the Vikings?
The Z-kings