Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.