Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"