What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
I General Lee do not find punny history jokes about the Civil War funny.
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
What's a Vikings favourite dance?
The Loki cokey.
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
I wonder why Lenin didn't realize that communism would fail to work. There were so many red flags everywhere.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
Who was the biggest prankster in George Washington's army?
Laugh-ayette!
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
Old Norse cuisine is simply not to my Viking.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
What do you call a Viking cat call?
Valholla
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.