What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th.
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
A viking adds symbols to an axe he has just made ...
" Oh no iv runed it"
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Norvegan.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
Why did the Archaeopteryx always catch the worm?
Because it was an early bird!
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.