In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.