What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!