Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.