Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!