What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.