What did the monster say when he saw a rush hour train full of passengers? Oh good! A chew chew train!
Never going drinking with Train drivers again.
All they did all night was tell me to ‘chug,chug,chug,chug.’
Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?
He wasn't trained for this.
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
Why are the railroad tracks angry? Because people are always crossing them.
A friend of mine quit his job as a reporter and left town by railway. It was an ex-press train.
I know someone who tried to run away after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
A railroad engineer must be sure not to lose his train of thought or he might go down the wrong track.
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
I’ve been meaning to make a list of bad railroad puns…but I keep getting side tracked.
Why did the monster eat the caboose? The locomotive told it to choo choo.
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? A chew-chew train.
How do locomotives hear? Through the engineers!
Why did the train have bubble gum? Because he wanted to go Choo Choo
I just quit my job as a train driver a few weeks ago.
I can't help but feel that my life has gone off the rails since.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn’t trained.
New electric trains will run on conductors.
I don’t want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive
Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.
I know an elephant who refused to travel by train because he didn’t want to leave his trunk in the baggage car.
I've always wanted to become a podiatrist, but was made to train as a paediatrician first.
Baby steps.
I tried to tell my favourite joke about trains, but it got derailed.
What’s the difference between a teacher and a railway security guard? One trains the mind, the other minds the train.
What is as big as a steam locomotive, but weighs nothing? Its shadow.
Where do crabs and lobsters catch their trains?
King's Crustation.
First time hunters were arguing over which kind of animal tracks they had found when they were hit by a train.
Those who steal trains must have a loco–motive!
Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
How long does it take for electricity to travel the length of a 10 car train?
It all depends on the conductor.
A fired newspaper editor took an ex-press train out of town.
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
I was running to catch a train yesterday, but just as I was approaching it...
I realized my net wasn't big enough.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
What do you call a train that sneezes? Achoo-choo train.
If you walk along a railroad track you may soon feel run down.
How do trains eat?
They chew chew.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!
I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
Why are ghosts no good at running a railway? A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!
Why did the Mexican train robber rob the train?
Because he had a loco-motive.
What do you call a locomotive with a cold? A choo choo train.
What kind of a car does a crazy man drive? A LOCOmotive.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.