What do you call the Greek God of Mexican chickens?
Apollo
How do you wash a horse?
On a sponge-line.
What does the ski bum do when the chairlift line is too long?
He's gondola top of the mountain.
When the past, present, and future go camping they always argue. It's intense tense in tents.
Why did the farmer hang raincoats all over his orchard? Someone told him he should get an apple Mac
My girlfriend was seasoning the soup. I asked, "What spice is that?", and she replied "Sage".
I said, "Sounds wise".
My friend gave birth in the car on the way to the hospital
Her husband named the kid Carson.
Why did the tiger visit the eye specialist after dropping a can of red paint on himself? He saw red.
I once decided to buy a baseball stadium. But my agent said he could only give me a ballpark estimate!
Why did George Washington have sleeping problems? Because he is unable to lie.
How do you know you’ve been visited by a possessed rabbit? He leaves deviled eggs.
Why should you bake bacon on an asteroid on its way to Earth ?
It's meteor.
What is the chemical formula for the molecules in candy? Carbon-Holmium-Cobalt-Lanthanum-Tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
There’s a new drama featuring herbivore doctors.
It’s called Graze Anatomy.
What is small, has a long tail and works with the police?
A gerbil shepherd dog!
I was driving along the motorway one day when a truck in front of me shed its load of cabbage. Never slaw that coming.
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
I now pronounce you husband and wifi
You may kiss the bride goodbye.
When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day
My Dermatologist was fired today...
He made too many rash decisions.
Q. What did the Aussie zookeeper say to the gorilla who was spying on him?
A. There's no need to pry, mate.
What is it called when a tree stabs his friend in the back?
A be-tree-yal
Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight.
There would be mass confusion.
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
“What would you get if you ate the Christmas decorations? Tinselitis.”
What is a car’s favourite movie character?
Aerial from The Little Mermaid.
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
What’s yellow and swings from cake to cake?
Tarzipan.
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
Why did the peach go to the therapist? It was in a pit of despair.
I asked what the lion in my wardrobe was doing.
He said it was Narnia business
Why shouldn’t you go into business with a watermelon?
“They’re seedy.”
My doctor didn’t show up to the appointment about my hairline.
He said it got pushed back
My wife came home with a bunch of spring flowers and asked where I'd like her to put them.
I said, " I'll tell you where you can plant your tulips."
The retiring orchard gardener made a farewell peach that was really heart-warming.
I farted in an elevator, it was wrong on so many levels.
What do you call a little tune about atmospheric moisture?
A humi-ditty.
What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
Who do elephants get their Christmas presents from?
Elephanta Claus.
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
Why didn't the sentence have a period?
Because it was pregnant.
I have a friend who has been diagnosed with a phobia of sausages. She always fears the wurst.
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
After the rain has cleared and the sun comes out, rainbows are so quick to appear they'll red like wildfire.
What is an evil dictator’s favorite type of weather?
A rain of terror.
How is cat food sold? Usually, purr can!
Clean water is like password
Not everyone has access to it.
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
Why do communist hate bacon?
Because it’s from capitalist pigs.
What do you call a goat that’s lazy?
Billy Idle.
Go to BabaMail
