What kind of whale can fly?
A Pilot whale.
What kind of cheese makes the best music?
Brieoncé.
What do Ghosts suffer from? Saturday fright fever.
Botanists have developed a vegetable that eliminates the need to brush your teeth.
Bristle sprouts.
What kind of dog sniffs out flowers?
A bud hound.
Did you hear about the Irishman that drank 100 liters of stout in just 30 minutes?
They’re calling it a Guinness World Record.
Any advice on getting a pet pig? Just be sure you get the pig of the litter.
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
“If you’re lucky this Christmas, Santa Claus will grace you with his presents.”
Q. What do they call the gorilla marathon runner who only wins when it's pouring outdoors?
A. The raining chimp-ion.
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
What kind of noise does a witch’s vehicle make?
Brrrroooom, brrroooom.
Their engagement is yet to be made offishell.
What do you call a dog’s back teeth?
Canine canines.
Why does the fairy kingdom smell so awful?
Because of all the toad stools.
Why are volcanos so nice?
They lava you.
What did the Gorilla say to his friend when he called him back on the phone?
You-Rang-a-Tang?
Singular: One mango
Plural: Two menwent
What is it called when a snowman has a temper tantrum?
A meltdown!
Why are snakes hard to fool?
They have no legs to pull.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
The best way to a man's heart is through his stomach."
The surgeon was fired later that day.
What is the similarity between a superhero and an onion? They both have layers.
What does a lemon pie and my wife have in common?
They both have meringue on them.
Who’s a llama’s favorite U.S. president?
Barack Ollama.
What do you call a very active hydra?
Hydradynamic.
When the mama peach found out that his child had failed his class, she was s-peach-less.
Why are blood physicians so rich?
Because blood cells.
Which birds are good at holding things together?
Velcrows.
what do you call the smaller rivers that run into the nile?
The juveniles
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs.
Number 3 will shock you
What kind of doctor is always available?
An on-call-ogist.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.
I met a Russian nurse, she was employee of the month, I asked if she'd won anything. She said "Da, award."
Are you a locksmith? Because you have the key to my heart.
What are the rules in zebra baseball?
Three stripes, and you're out.
Jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains.
This gives me hope for the next generation.
If money really did grow on trees, what would be everyone’s favorite season? Fall.
According to a geologist, why is the world so diverse? Because it's made up of alkynes of people.
Two detectives interrogate a 37 year old mute man. The detectives give the man a notepad which he scribbles on for a few seconds, and hands back to them.
"I'll never talk."
"Oh, I wanna dance with some bunny, with some bunny who loves me."
What milk comes from Spain?
Soy Milk.
What do you get when you cross a pig and superman?
The Man of Squeal.
You mermaid to go far.
I have an exciting new job as an explosives engineer blowing up mountains for tunnels and roads.
It's Groundbreaking work.
What happened when a bat misbehaved in night school?
She got suspended.
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
My father decided to mow the lawn today. As he mowed, all the grass blade.
Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?
First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare
Coming to theaters: the thrilling tale of a man who ate biographical books instead of turkey on Thanksgiving.
Baste on a true story.
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