Do you know what really bugs me? Insect puns.
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
One trick peony.
What do you call a book on underwater gardening?
A self-kelp book.
A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
How do you know if you're a bad gardener?
All the rocks in your garden went belly up!
All clover the world.
Sherlock Holmes was doing some gardening, Watson asked what he was planting. He replied “A lemon tree, my dear Watson”.
Have you botany plants lately?
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
I asked the staff at my local garden center what to grow in my garden. They gave me some sage advice.
If only I could grow green stuff in my garden like I can in my refrigerator.
I’ve started to plant my herbs in alphabetical order. People ask me how I find the time. I tell them “it’s next to the sage”.
I used to make lots of money clearing leaves from gardens. I was raking it in.
Trowel and error.
That’s a bit mulch.
What’s a corn farmer’s favorite animal? The unicorn.
What kind of garden flowers grow in outer space?
Moonflowers, Sunflowers, Star Clusters, and Cosmos.
Leaf me alone.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden.
What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?
A rash of good luck.
Scarecrows always garden their patch.
What’s the name of the gardener’s favorite show? Lawn and order.
Let me plant one on ya!
Why didn’t the flower get to go out on a second date?
He was a garden variety.
The farmer had such a bad headache he had to retire. He was sick of his grains.
Your good weed for the day.
Cleaning my cold frame is a pane in the glass.
Garden centers are attempting to stem a fall in the sale of fresh flowers.
If you’re looking for a job, get trained in horticulture. It’s a growing industry.
Schwarzenegger retired from TV to kill bugs. Now he’s an ex-terminator.
When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
God made rainy days, so gardeners could get the housework done.
Gardening question: Does anyone know a good place where I can buy a fern? Asking for a frond.
My local garden center is doing buy one, get one free on manure. Don’t sniff at this offer.