I asked the staff at my local garden center what to grow in my garden. They gave me some sage advice.
If, instead of talking to your plants, you yelled at them, would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?
The farmer had such a bad headache he had to retire. He was sick of his grains.
A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
I got into a fight with a snail. It was a real slug-fest.
What runs around a garden but never moves? A fence.
New Year's resolution for the bankrupt gardener was to forget the past and rely on the fuchsia...
In the eyes of the lawn.
Farmers are real experts, they are often outstanding in their fields.
Who needs friends when you’ve got anemones?
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A lawn moo-er.
I had a job drilling holes for water. It was well boring.
Why didn’t anyone laugh at the gardener’s jokes?
Because they were too corny!
I used to make lots of money clearing leaves from gardens. I was raking it in.
I'm a gardener and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I plant all day!
I dress in grubby clothing and hang around with slugs.
Oh I'm happy in the garden
With dirt and plants and bugs.
If you’re looking for a job, get trained in horticulture. It’s a growing industry.
Your good seed for the day.
Winter does not arrive until the ice is in the compost heap. Spring does not arrive until the ice is out of the compost.
Did you hear the gardener's joke about the old oak tree?
It's acorny one!
Don’t moss around.
Why was the gardener so embarrassed? He wet his plants!
Mountains aren’t just funny. They’re hill areas.
I started an insurance company for flower and gardening businesses...
It's called "oopsie daisies."
Your good weed for the day.
Why didn’t the flower get to go out on a second date?
He was a garden variety.
My leaf blower doesn’t work. It just sucks!
We’re mint to be.
My local garden center is doing buy one, get one free on manure. Don’t sniff at this offer.
Do you need some encourage-mint?
What rock would you find inside a garden shed?
Shedimentary.
What is the wise gardener's mantra?
Weed 'Em and Reap!
All things must grass.
One more thyme.
Did you hear about the squirrel diet? It’s nuts!