A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
What kind of flowers bloom on your face? Tulips!
Why do gardeners plant bulbs? So the worms can see where they’re going.
I want to start gardening, but I haven’t botany plants.
What is it called when a gardener covertly listens to foliage falling in the fall?
Leaves-dropping.
What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A lawn moo-er.
Why are shovels, trowels, and spades so common in down-to-earth novels and movies?
Because they're plot devices.
I’m very frond of you.
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
My leaf blower doesn’t work. It just sucks!
Why was the gardener so embarrassed? He wet his plants!
Schwarzenegger retired from TV to kill bugs. Now he’s an ex-terminator.
How do you know you are a Master Gardener?
There is a decorative compost container on your kitchen counter.
You would rather go to a nursery to shop than a clothing store.
You prefer gardening to watching television.
You plan vacation trips to arboretums and public parks.
Dirt under your fingernails and calloused palms are matters of pride.
Scarecrows always garden their patch.
I'm a gardener and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I plant all day!
I dress in grubby clothing and hang around with slugs.
Oh I'm happy in the garden
With dirt and plants and bugs.
One bonsai tree grower was so successful he moved into a miniature house.
I’m rooting for you!
What’s a gardener’s favorite type of trousers? Ones with turnips.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden.
Over quarantine, I’ve really gotten into gardening. I am especially enamored with growing chard varieties. So much so I’ve written a book of poems about their taproots.
I hope to one day be recognized as the beet poet of our generation!
Garden centers are attempting to stem a fall in the sale of fresh flowers.
Trowel and error.
She didn’t date the gardener. He was too rough around the hedges.
What’s the easiest way to stop a dog from digging in the garden?
Take away his shovel!
Herb your enthusiasm.
What did the pirate call his vegetable patch?
His garrrrgh-den.
What kind of garden flowers grow in outer space?
Moonflowers, Sunflowers, Star Clusters, and Cosmos.
Your good weed for the day.
I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds, and it grew on me.
Do you know what really bugs me? Insect puns.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Beatles song? Lettuce Be.
When does a farmer dance? When he drops the beet.
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Harrison Ford film? Raiders of the Lost Bark.
In on the ground flora.