What does a gardener call the tree surgeon who also makes a great cup of coffee?
Arbor-ista.
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
I’ve always been afraid of gardening.
But then I decided to grow a pear.
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since.
What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A lawn moo-er.
After a year of waiting, my publisher finally approved my book on gardening
It's about Thyme.
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
What’s a gardener’s favorite Harrison Ford film? Raiders of the Lost Bark.
Why was the gardener so embarrassed? He wet his plants!
What rock would you find inside a garden shed?
Shedimentary.
What did the gardeners say when he discovered nasty weeds in his garden?
I have spotted spurge!
God made rainy days, so gardeners could get the housework done.
What’s the easiest way to stop a dog from digging in the garden?
Take away his shovel!
You’re unbeleafable.
Seed between the lines.
Do you have the thyme? I need to get somewhere around tree o’clock.
One bonsai tree grower was so successful he moved into a miniature house.
Cleaning my cold frame is a pane in the glass.
Do you need some encourage-mint?
What’s a corn farmer’s favorite animal? The unicorn.
Sherlock Holmes was doing some gardening, Watson asked what he was planting. He replied “A lemon tree, my dear Watson”.
Schwarzenegger retired from TV to kill bugs. Now he’s an ex-terminator.
Long thyme no see.
A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
Who needs friends when you’ve got anemones?
Why didn’t the flower get to go out on a second date?
He was a garden variety.
Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled.
What happened to the Venus Fly Trap's plant food?
The arbor-ate-em.
What is the wise gardener's mantra?
Weed 'Em and Reap!
I had a job drilling holes for water. It was well boring.
If only I could grow green stuff in my garden like I can in my refrigerator.
I beg your garden?
I’m kind of a big dill.
Ants in your plants.
It’s party thyme.