What did the pirate call his vegetable patch?
His garrrrgh-den.
What does a gardener call the tree surgeon who also makes a great cup of coffee?
Arbor-ista.
Yet again, someone has added more soil to my allotment. The plot thickens…
What do you call it when worms eat all of the plants and take over the world?
Global Worming.
My leaf blower doesn’t work. It just sucks!
Scarecrows always garden their patch.
Eat, drink and be rosemary.
Do you have the thyme? I need to get somewhere around tree o’clock.
What do you call a grumpy and short-tempered gardener?
A Snapdragon.
A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
Did you hear about the squirrel diet? It’s nuts!
Seed between the lines.
Your good weed for the day.
The farmer had such a bad headache he had to retire. He was sick of his grains.
What is the wise gardener's mantra?
Weed 'Em and Reap!
Have you botany plants lately?
I asked the staff at my local garden center what to grow in my garden. They gave me some sage advice.
Leaf me alone.
Herb your enthusiasm.
Garden centers are attempting to stem a fall in the sale of fresh flowers.
In the eyes of the lawn.
A woman asks her neighbor, "Can I borrow your lawnmower?"
Her neighbor says, "No, he's not home yet"
My local garden center is doing buy one, get one free on manure. Don’t sniff at this offer.
All clover the world.
One trick peony.
Why was the gardener so busy over the weekend?
He had a long honeydew list.
Let’s take a leaf of faith.
Why do gardeners plant bulbs? So the worms can see where they’re going.
Do you know what really bugs me? Insect puns.
I’m very frond of you.
What’s a gardener’s favorite type of trousers? Ones with turnips.
How do you know if you're a bad gardener?
All the rocks in your garden went belly up!
I’m rooting for you!
Botanists have developed a vegetable that eliminates the need to brush your teeth.
Bristle sprouts.
What did the gardeners say when he discovered nasty weeds in his garden?
I have spotted spurge!