Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since.
I beg your garden?
If only I could grow green stuff in my garden like I can in my refrigerator.
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
Why do gardeners plant bulbs? So the worms can see where they’re going.
In the eyes of the lawn.
What is it called when a gardener covertly listens to foliage falling in the fall?
Leaves-dropping.
I was offered a job as a gardener, but I didn’t take it because the celery was too low.
I’ve started to plant my herbs in alphabetical order. People ask me how I find the time. I tell them “it’s next to the sage”.
What did the gardeners say when he discovered nasty weeds in his garden?
I have spotted spurge!
Why are shovels, trowels, and spades so common in down-to-earth novels and movies?
Because they're plot devices.
I’ve always been afraid of gardening.
But then I decided to grow a pear.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Beatles song? Lettuce Be.
A woman asks her neighbor, "Can I borrow your lawnmower?"
Her neighbor says, "No, he's not home yet"
Why didn’t anyone laugh at the gardener’s jokes?
Because they were too corny!
If you’re looking for a job, get trained in horticulture. It’s a growing industry.
One more thyme.
We’re mint to be.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commen-tater.
Do you need some encourage-mint?
I asked the staff at my local garden center what to grow in my garden. They gave me some sage advice.
Who needs friends when you’ve got anemones?
Farmers are real experts, they are often outstanding in their fields.
What’s the name of the gardener’s favorite show? Lawn and order.
When does a farmer dance? When he drops the beet.
What rock would you find inside a garden shed?
Shedimentary.
God made rainy days, so gardeners could get the housework done.
What did the pirate call his vegetable patch?
His garrrrgh-den.
Garden centers are attempting to stem a fall in the sale of fresh flowers.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
Trowel and error.
What’s the easiest way to stop a dog from digging in the garden?
Take away his shovel!
Gardening question: Does anyone know a good place where I can buy a fern? Asking for a frond.
New Year's resolution for the bankrupt gardener was to forget the past and rely on the fuchsia...
Why was the gardener so embarrassed? He wet his plants!
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the corn has ears.
When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
Over quarantine, I’ve really gotten into gardening. I am especially enamored with growing chard varieties. So much so I’ve written a book of poems about their taproots.
I hope to one day be recognized as the beet poet of our generation!
What does a gardener call the tree surgeon who also makes a great cup of coffee?
Arbor-ista.
How do you know if you're a bad gardener?
All the rocks in your garden went belly up!
You’re unbeleafable.
Ants in your plants.
I'm a gardener and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I plant all day!
I dress in grubby clothing and hang around with slugs.
Oh I'm happy in the garden
With dirt and plants and bugs.
What kind of flowers bloom on your face? Tulips!
Why is The Hulk such a good gardener? Because he’s got green fingers.
What’s a corn farmer’s favorite animal? The unicorn.
One bonsai tree grower was so successful he moved into a miniature house.
Your good seed for the day.
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.