What happened to the Venus Fly Trap's plant food?
The arbor-ate-em.
I’ve always been afraid of gardening.
But then I decided to grow a pear.
If you’re looking for a job, get trained in horticulture. It’s a growing industry.
Schwarzenegger retired from TV to kill bugs. Now he’s an ex-terminator.
What’s a corn farmer’s favorite animal? The unicorn.
Let me plant one on ya!
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
That’s a bit mulch.
She didn’t date the gardener. He was too rough around the hedges.
Over quarantine, I’ve really gotten into gardening. I am especially enamored with growing chard varieties. So much so I’ve written a book of poems about their taproots.
I hope to one day be recognized as the beet poet of our generation!
Who needs friends when you’ve got anemones?
Your good seed for the day.
What runs around a garden but never moves? A fence.
Why did the gardener think her plant was sick?
It was looking very green.
What is the wise gardener's mantra?
Weed 'Em and Reap!
I started an insurance company for flower and gardening businesses...
It's called "oopsie daisies."
Winter does not arrive until the ice is in the compost heap. Spring does not arrive until the ice is out of the compost.
Any self-respecting rock will break at least one shovel before accepting its new home.
Ants in your plants.
I’ve started to plant my herbs in alphabetical order. People ask me how I find the time. I tell them “it’s next to the sage”.
I want to start gardening, but I haven’t botany plants.
It’s party thyme.
Sherlock Holmes was doing some gardening, Watson asked what he was planting. He replied “A lemon tree, my dear Watson”.
What did the gardeners say when he discovered nasty weeds in his garden?
I have spotted spurge!
I’m kind of a big dill.
After a year of waiting, my publisher finally approved my book on gardening
It's about Thyme.
You’re unbeleafable.
Did you hear the gardener's joke about the old oak tree?
It's acorny one!
Herb your enthusiasm.
Leaf me alone.
I’ll never leaf you.
Did you hear about the squirrel diet? It’s nuts!
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since.
Let’s take a leaf of faith.
I beg your garden?
One more thyme.
When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
New Year's resolution for the bankrupt gardener was to forget the past and rely on the fuchsia...
I asked the staff at my local garden center what to grow in my garden. They gave me some sage advice.
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
Why didn’t anyone laugh at the gardener’s jokes?
Because they were too corny!
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
I’m rooting for you!
Cleaning my cold frame is a pane in the glass.
I was offered a job as a gardener, but I didn’t take it because the celery was too low.
All clover the world.
What’s the name of the gardener’s favorite show? Lawn and order.
Ow did the millionaire gardener get rich so quickly?
He was running a huge pansy scheme.
Your good weed for the day.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the corn has ears.