All clover the world.
What did the gardeners say when he discovered nasty weeds in his garden?
I have spotted spurge!
What do you call a grumpy and short-tempered gardener?
A Snapdragon.
What rock would you find inside a garden shed?
Shedimentary.
Botanists have developed a vegetable that eliminates the need to brush your teeth.
Bristle sprouts.
Let me plant one on ya!
If you’re looking for a job, get trained in horticulture. It’s a growing industry.
When does a farmer dance? When he drops the beet.
I beg your garden?
I’m very frond of you.
Trowel and error.
Why didn’t the flower get to go out on a second date?
He was a garden variety.
One bonsai tree grower was so successful he moved into a miniature house.
Why didn’t anyone laugh at the gardener’s jokes?
Because they were too corny!
My neighbor asked me if he could borrow my lawnmower. It told him he could; if he did not take it out of my yard.
Do you have the thyme? I need to get somewhere around tree o’clock.
All things must grass.
When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
Ow did the millionaire gardener get rich so quickly?
He was running a huge pansy scheme.
A woman asks her neighbor, "Can I borrow your lawnmower?"
Her neighbor says, "No, he's not home yet"
If only I could grow green stuff in my garden like I can in my refrigerator.
What do you call it when worms eat all of the plants and take over the world?
Global Worming.
Have you botany plants lately?
Schwarzenegger retired from TV to kill bugs. Now he’s an ex-terminator.
Winter does not arrive until the ice is in the compost heap. Spring does not arrive until the ice is out of the compost.
My leaf blower doesn’t work. It just sucks!
I started dating the girl across the street. Honestly, lawn-distance relationships aren’t that hard.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the corn has ears.
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
Who needs friends when you’ve got anemones?
I asked the staff at my local garden center what to grow in my garden. They gave me some sage advice.
Why was the gardener so embarrassed? He wet his plants!
What’s the easiest way to stop a dog from digging in the garden?
Take away his shovel!
How to stop a dog from digging in a garden?
Start right! Never let the dog see you digging... Doggy see doggy do.
I started an insurance company for flower and gardening businesses...
It's called "oopsie daisies."
What did the pirate call his vegetable patch?
His garrrrgh-den.
One trick peony.
A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
Don’t moss around.
What kind of garden flowers grow in outer space?
Moonflowers, Sunflowers, Star Clusters, and Cosmos.
The farmer had such a bad headache he had to retire. He was sick of his grains.
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
She didn’t date the gardener. He was too rough around the hedges.
What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?
A rash of good luck.
I got into a fight with a snail. It was a real slug-fest.
I got a job working in a hayfield. After one day I bailed.
If, instead of talking to your plants, you yelled at them, would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?
Your good seed for the day.
Did you hear the gardener's joke about the old oak tree?
It's acorny one!
Mountains aren’t just funny. They’re hill areas.