Winter does not arrive until the ice is in the compost heap. Spring does not arrive until the ice is out of the compost.
When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
How to stop a dog from digging in a garden?
Start right! Never let the dog see you digging... Doggy see doggy do.
One bonsai tree grower was so successful he moved into a miniature house.
What did the pirate call his vegetable patch?
His garrrrgh-den.
In the eyes of the lawn.
What kind of socks does a gardener wear?
Garden hose!
Farmers are real experts, they are often outstanding in their fields.
I’m very frond of you.
One more thyme.
I want to start gardening, but I haven’t botany plants.
Why are shovels, trowels, and spades so common in down-to-earth novels and movies?
Because they're plot devices.
Why do gardeners plant bulbs? So the worms can see where they’re going.
Gardening question: Does anyone know a good place where I can buy a fern? Asking for a frond.
Do you know what really bugs me? Insect puns.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commen-tater.
Over quarantine, I’ve really gotten into gardening. I am especially enamored with growing chard varieties. So much so I’ve written a book of poems about their taproots.
I hope to one day be recognized as the beet poet of our generation!
You’re unbeleafable.
What do you call it when worms eat all of the plants and take over the world?
Global Worming.
How do you know if you're a bad gardener?
All the rocks in your garden went belly up!
Any self-respecting rock will break at least one shovel before accepting its new home.
Let me plant one on ya!
I got into a fight with a snail. It was a real slug-fest.
I beg your garden?
All things must grass.
What’s a corn farmer’s favorite animal? The unicorn.
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
Seed between the lines.
I asked the staff at my local garden center what to grow in my garden. They gave me some sage advice.
What kind of flowers bloom on your face? Tulips!
Many gardeners suffer from hay fever. Isn’t that news a pollen?
If only I could grow green stuff in my garden like I can in my refrigerator.
I’ve always been afraid of gardening.
But then I decided to grow a pear.
I started an insurance company for flower and gardening businesses...
It's called "oopsie daisies."
One trick peony.
I beg your garden?
A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
Ants in your plants.
Did you hear about the squirrel diet? It’s nuts!
Herb your enthusiasm.
Why did the gardener think her plant was sick?
It was looking very green.
Ow did the millionaire gardener get rich so quickly?
He was running a huge pansy scheme.
What did the gardeners say when he discovered nasty weeds in his garden?
I have spotted spurge!
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
What’s the easiest way to stop a dog from digging in the garden?
Take away his shovel!
I hired a landscape gardener today.
He couldn’t help me — my garden is a portrait.
Your good weed for the day.
Let’s take a leaf of faith.
What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A lawn moo-er.
Don’t moss around.