A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
Your good seed for the day.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commen-tater.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Harrison Ford film? Raiders of the Lost Bark.
Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled.
My neighbor asked me if he could borrow my lawnmower. It told him he could; if he did not take it out of my yard.
We’re mint to be.
When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
That’s a bit mulch.
I had a job drilling holes for water. It was well boring.
All things must grass.
I’ve always been afraid of gardening.
But then I decided to grow a pear.
A woman asks her neighbor, "Can I borrow your lawnmower?"
Her neighbor says, "No, he's not home yet"
She didn’t date the gardener. He was too rough around the hedges.
All clover the world.
What do you call a book on underwater gardening?
A self-kelp book.
I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds, and it grew on me.
Why are shovels, trowels, and spades so common in down-to-earth novels and movies?
Because they're plot devices.
What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?
A rash of good luck.
In the eyes of the lawn.
What kind of socks does a gardener wear?
Garden hose!
What do you call a grumpy and short-tempered gardener?
A Snapdragon.
I'm a gardener and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I plant all day!
I dress in grubby clothing and hang around with slugs.
Oh I'm happy in the garden
With dirt and plants and bugs.
God made rainy days, so gardeners could get the housework done.
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
Leaf me alone.
Any self-respecting rock will break at least one shovel before accepting its new home.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Beatles song? Lettuce Be.
What kind of garden flowers grow in outer space?
Moonflowers, Sunflowers, Star Clusters, and Cosmos.
What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A lawn moo-er.
Farmers are real experts, they are often outstanding in their fields.
Schwarzenegger retired from TV to kill bugs. Now he’s an ex-terminator.
Why did the gardener think her plant was sick?
It was looking very green.
Winter does not arrive until the ice is in the compost heap. Spring does not arrive until the ice is out of the compost.
I started dating the girl across the street. Honestly, lawn-distance relationships aren’t that hard.
Long thyme no see.
What do you call it when worms eat all of the plants and take over the world?
Global Worming.
I’m very frond of you.
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since.
What’s the easiest way to stop a dog from digging in the garden?
Take away his shovel!
Cleaning my cold frame is a pane in the glass.
I started an insurance company for flower and gardening businesses...
It's called "oopsie daisies."
One bonsai tree grower was so successful he moved into a miniature house.
Mountains aren’t just funny. They’re hill areas.
Did you hear the gardener's joke about the old oak tree?
It's acorny one!
I’m rooting for you!
What is it called when a gardener covertly listens to foliage falling in the fall?
Leaves-dropping.
What runs around a garden but never moves? A fence.