New Year's resolution for the bankrupt gardener was to forget the past and rely on the fuchsia...
How to stop a dog from digging in a garden?
Start right! Never let the dog see you digging... Doggy see doggy do.
Winter does not arrive until the ice is in the compost heap. Spring does not arrive until the ice is out of the compost.
Leaf me alone.
That’s a bit mulch.
Any self-respecting rock will break at least one shovel before accepting its new home.
Why was the gardener so busy over the weekend?
He had a long honeydew list.
Trowel and error.
If you’re looking for a job, get trained in horticulture. It’s a growing industry.
Do you know what really bugs me? Insect puns.
When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
Sherlock Holmes was doing some gardening, Watson asked what he was planting. He replied “A lemon tree, my dear Watson”.
Why was the gardener so embarrassed? He wet his plants!
Ants in your plants.
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
Do you have the thyme? I need to get somewhere around tree o’clock.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
All clover the world.
Have you botany plants lately?
After a year of waiting, my publisher finally approved my book on gardening
It's about Thyme.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commen-tater.
How do you know you are a Master Gardener?
There is a decorative compost container on your kitchen counter.
You would rather go to a nursery to shop than a clothing store.
You prefer gardening to watching television.
You plan vacation trips to arboretums and public parks.
Dirt under your fingernails and calloused palms are matters of pride.
What do you call a book on underwater gardening?
A self-kelp book.
I’ve always been afraid of gardening.
But then I decided to grow a pear.
Garden centers are attempting to stem a fall in the sale of fresh flowers.
Scarecrows always garden their patch.
Why didn’t the flower get to go out on a second date?
He was a garden variety.
You’re unbeleafable.
In on the ground flora.
What do you call it when worms eat all of the plants and take over the world?
Global Worming.
What kind of garden flowers grow in outer space?
Moonflowers, Sunflowers, Star Clusters, and Cosmos.
I got into a fight with a snail. It was a real slug-fest.
Seed between the lines.
When does a farmer dance? When he drops the beet.
God made rainy days, so gardeners could get the housework done.
What kind of socks does a gardener wear?
Garden hose!
I want to start gardening, but I haven’t botany plants.
The farmer had such a bad headache he had to retire. He was sick of his grains.
I used to make lots of money clearing leaves from gardens. I was raking it in.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Harrison Ford film? Raiders of the Lost Bark.
All things must grass.
Let’s take a leaf of faith.
I started an insurance company for flower and gardening businesses...
It's called "oopsie daisies."
Mountains aren’t just funny. They’re hill areas.
I was offered a job as a gardener, but I didn’t take it because the celery was too low.
I started dating the girl across the street. Honestly, lawn-distance relationships aren’t that hard.
What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?
A rash of good luck.
What do you call a grumpy and short-tempered gardener?
A Snapdragon.
I had a job drilling holes for water. It was well boring.
What’s the easiest way to stop a dog from digging in the garden?
Take away his shovel!