It’s party thyme.
I beg your garden?
Why was the gardener so embarrassed? He wet his plants!
What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?
A rash of good luck.
How to stop a dog from digging in a garden?
Start right! Never let the dog see you digging... Doggy see doggy do.
Over quarantine, I’ve really gotten into gardening. I am especially enamored with growing chard varieties. So much so I’ve written a book of poems about their taproots.
I hope to one day be recognized as the beet poet of our generation!
Botanists have developed a vegetable that eliminates the need to brush your teeth.
Bristle sprouts.
I’ve started to plant my herbs in alphabetical order. People ask me how I find the time. I tell them “it’s next to the sage”.
What did the pirate call his vegetable patch?
His garrrrgh-den.
I want to start gardening, but I haven’t botany plants.
In on the ground flora.
Schwarzenegger retired from TV to kill bugs. Now he’s an ex-terminator.
Your good weed for the day.
You’re unbeleafable.
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since.
All things must grass.
Do you know what really bugs me? Insect puns.
All clover the world.
If only I could grow green stuff in my garden like I can in my refrigerator.
A man walks into a flower shop "I'd like some flowers please."
"Certainly, Sir. What did you have in mind?"
He shrugs "Well I'm not sure, I uh, I uh, I uh..."
"Perhaps I could help. What exactly have you done?"
My local garden center is doing buy one, get one free on manure. Don’t sniff at this offer.
Why are shovels, trowels, and spades so common in down-to-earth novels and movies?
Because they're plot devices.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the corn has ears.
What’s the name of the gardener’s favorite show? Lawn and order.
Do you have the thyme? I need to get somewhere around tree o’clock.
Yet again, someone has added more soil to my allotment. The plot thickens…
I had a job drilling holes for water. It was well boring.
Mountains aren’t just funny. They’re hill areas.
Scarecrows always garden their patch.
Gardening question: Does anyone know a good place where I can buy a fern? Asking for a frond.
Garden centers are attempting to stem a fall in the sale of fresh flowers.
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden.
I’m kind of a big dill.
In the eyes of the lawn.
I started an insurance company for flower and gardening businesses...
It's called "oopsie daisies."
A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
Any self-respecting rock will break at least one shovel before accepting its new home.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Beatles song? Lettuce Be.
The farmer had such a bad headache he had to retire. He was sick of his grains.
Did you hear the gardener's joke about the old oak tree?
It's acorny one!
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
I’ll never leaf you.
Don’t moss around.
What kind of flowers bloom on your face? Tulips!
What did the gardeners say when he discovered nasty weeds in his garden?
I have spotted spurge!
I'm a gardener and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I plant all day!
I dress in grubby clothing and hang around with slugs.
Oh I'm happy in the garden
With dirt and plants and bugs.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
Leaf me alone.
I started dating the girl across the street. Honestly, lawn-distance relationships aren’t that hard.