I got a job working in a hayfield. After one day I bailed.
What is the wise gardener's mantra?
Weed 'Em and Reap!
Scarecrows always garden their patch.
After a year of waiting, my publisher finally approved my book on gardening
It's about Thyme.
One trick peony.
Why was the gardener so embarrassed? He wet his plants!
Did you hear the gardener's joke about the old oak tree?
It's acorny one!
I used to make lots of money clearing leaves from gardens. I was raking it in.
Did you hear about the squirrel diet? It’s nuts!
I'm a gardener and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I plant all day!
I dress in grubby clothing and hang around with slugs.
Oh I'm happy in the garden
With dirt and plants and bugs.
I had a job drilling holes for water. It was well boring.
I’m very frond of you.
We’re mint to be.
Herb your enthusiasm.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commen-tater.
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since.
Ants in your plants.
When does a farmer dance? When he drops the beet.
Botanists have developed a vegetable that eliminates the need to brush your teeth.
Bristle sprouts.
Why are shovels, trowels, and spades so common in down-to-earth novels and movies?
Because they're plot devices.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Beatles song? Lettuce Be.
What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A lawn moo-er.
I’m rooting for you!
In on the ground flora.
What do you call a grumpy and short-tempered gardener?
A Snapdragon.
What’s a gardener’s favorite type of trousers? Ones with turnips.
Let me plant one on ya!
I was offered a job as a gardener, but I didn’t take it because the celery was too low.
In the eyes of the lawn.
What’s a corn farmer’s favorite animal? The unicorn.
Mountains aren’t just funny. They’re hill areas.
If only I could grow green stuff in my garden like I can in my refrigerator.
One more thyme.
I beg your garden?
What kind of socks does a gardener wear?
Garden hose!
My leaf blower doesn’t work. It just sucks!
Why is The Hulk such a good gardener? Because he’s got green fingers.
Do you know what really bugs me? Insect puns.
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
What did the pirate call his vegetable patch?
His garrrrgh-den.
I’ve started to plant my herbs in alphabetical order. People ask me how I find the time. I tell them “it’s next to the sage”.
What kind of flowers bloom on your face? Tulips!
God made rainy days, so gardeners could get the housework done.
I’ll never leaf you.
I got into a fight with a snail. It was a real slug-fest.
You’re unbeleafable.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the corn has ears.
Why do gardeners plant bulbs? So the worms can see where they’re going.
How do you know you are a Master Gardener?
There is a decorative compost container on your kitchen counter.
You would rather go to a nursery to shop than a clothing store.
You prefer gardening to watching television.
You plan vacation trips to arboretums and public parks.
Dirt under your fingernails and calloused palms are matters of pride.
All clover the world.