When does a farmer dance? When he drops the beet.
I was offered a job as a gardener, but I didn’t take it because the celery was too low.
Mountains aren’t just funny. They’re hill areas.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
Do you need some encourage-mint?
My local garden center is doing buy one, get one free on manure. Don’t sniff at this offer.
Over quarantine, I’ve really gotten into gardening. I am especially enamored with growing chard varieties. So much so I’ve written a book of poems about their taproots.
I hope to one day be recognized as the beet poet of our generation!
Let’s take a leaf of faith.
What kind of socks does a gardener wear?
Garden hose!
Why do gardeners plant bulbs? So the worms can see where they’re going.
I got a job working in a hayfield. After one day I bailed.
What does a gardener call the tree surgeon who also makes a great cup of coffee?
Arbor-ista.
What’s a gardener’s favorite type of trousers? Ones with turnips.
All things must grass.
Why is The Hulk such a good gardener? Because he’s got green fingers.
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
How do you know if you're a bad gardener?
All the rocks in your garden went belly up!
I'm a gardener and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I plant all day!
I dress in grubby clothing and hang around with slugs.
Oh I'm happy in the garden
With dirt and plants and bugs.
If, instead of talking to your plants, you yelled at them, would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?
God made rainy days, so gardeners could get the housework done.
In on the ground flora.
What happened to the Venus Fly Trap's plant food?
The arbor-ate-em.
Yet again, someone has added more soil to my allotment. The plot thickens…
How do you know you are a Master Gardener?
There is a decorative compost container on your kitchen counter.
You would rather go to a nursery to shop than a clothing store.
You prefer gardening to watching television.
You plan vacation trips to arboretums and public parks.
Dirt under your fingernails and calloused palms are matters of pride.
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since.
Why are shovels, trowels, and spades so common in down-to-earth novels and movies?
Because they're plot devices.
One more thyme.
Your good seed for the day.
What is it called when a gardener covertly listens to foliage falling in the fall?
Leaves-dropping.
I hired a landscape gardener today.
He couldn’t help me — my garden is a portrait.
Long thyme no see.
One bonsai tree grower was so successful he moved into a miniature house.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden.
I’m rooting for you!
Gardening question: Does anyone know a good place where I can buy a fern? Asking for a frond.
What rock would you find inside a garden shed?
Shedimentary.
Many gardeners suffer from hay fever. Isn’t that news a pollen?
All clover the world.
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A lawn moo-er.
I had a job drilling holes for water. It was well boring.
Don’t moss around.
Sherlock Holmes was doing some gardening, Watson asked what he was planting. He replied “A lemon tree, my dear Watson”.
Ants in your plants.
I used to make lots of money clearing leaves from gardens. I was raking it in.
What do you call a book on underwater gardening?
A self-kelp book.
Why didn’t anyone laugh at the gardener’s jokes?
Because they were too corny!
What do you call an everyday potato? A commen-tater.
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
Why didn’t the flower get to go out on a second date?
He was a garden variety.