I’m rooting for you!
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
What’s a corn farmer’s favorite animal? The unicorn.
New Year's resolution for the bankrupt gardener was to forget the past and rely on the fuchsia...
Do you need some encourage-mint?
What runs around a garden but never moves? A fence.
Ow did the millionaire gardener get rich so quickly?
He was running a huge pansy scheme.
I want to start gardening, but I haven’t botany plants.
One more thyme.
What is it called when a gardener covertly listens to foliage falling in the fall?
Leaves-dropping.
Did you hear about the squirrel diet? It’s nuts!
When does a farmer dance? When he drops the beet.
How to stop a dog from digging in a garden?
Start right! Never let the dog see you digging... Doggy see doggy do.
Yet again, someone has added more soil to my allotment. The plot thickens…
That’s a bit mulch.
Seed between the lines.
What do you call a grumpy and short-tempered gardener?
A Snapdragon.
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
Schwarzenegger retired from TV to kill bugs. Now he’s an ex-terminator.
I’ve started to plant my herbs in alphabetical order. People ask me how I find the time. I tell them “it’s next to the sage”.
Have you botany plants lately?
Sherlock Holmes was doing some gardening, Watson asked what he was planting. He replied “A lemon tree, my dear Watson”.
I'm a gardener and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I plant all day!
I dress in grubby clothing and hang around with slugs.
Oh I'm happy in the garden
With dirt and plants and bugs.
Botanists have developed a vegetable that eliminates the need to brush your teeth.
Bristle sprouts.
I asked the staff at my local garden center what to grow in my garden. They gave me some sage advice.
What’s a gardener’s favorite type of trousers? Ones with turnips.
My leaf blower doesn’t work. It just sucks!
Herb your enthusiasm.
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
What rock would you find inside a garden shed?
Shedimentary.
Garden centers are attempting to stem a fall in the sale of fresh flowers.
One trick peony.
I had a job drilling holes for water. It was well boring.
What’s the easiest way to stop a dog from digging in the garden?
Take away his shovel!
What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A lawn moo-er.
I beg your garden?
Why did the gardener think her plant was sick?
It was looking very green.
Many gardeners suffer from hay fever. Isn’t that news a pollen?
Trowel and error.
Do you have the thyme? I need to get somewhere around tree o’clock.
Long thyme no see.
What do you call a book on underwater gardening?
A self-kelp book.
Don’t moss around.
What’s the name of the gardener’s favorite show? Lawn and order.
I’ll never leaf you.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
Do you know what really bugs me? Insect puns.
What do you call it when worms eat all of the plants and take over the world?
Global Worming.
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!