The Japanese restaurant serves the best soups. It will always make miso happy.
Why did the chicken cross the road halfway?
She wanted to lay it on the line.
What do you get when you put Cola in an oven?
Baking soda.
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a tortoise?
A slow-pork.
Why do people in Greece not wake up until noon?
Because Dawn is tough on greece.
What do you say when you find the perfect font?
You’re just my type!
What happened when they planted new bamboo trees at the zoo?
It was pandamonium out there!
How do you call football without shoes?
Socker.
Q. What does the alpha gorilla call his first wife?
A. His prime mate.
What happens when you keep reading geology jokes in your free time? You know that you have really hit rock bottom.
What’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
Beer nuts are $2.50. Deer nuts are under a buck
How does one astronaut says sorry on the moon tell another astronaut? He Apollo-gises.
Why did Chanel sue a company which came out with its own "No. 5" perfume?
They thought it was a fragrant violation of the law.
How do you stop a werewolf attacking you?
Throw a stick and shout “Fetch.”
Why did the pun fail his English class?
He didn't use proper pun-ctuation!
What did the fawn who wanted to be a child forever say?
“I don’t want to doe up!”
The two slices of bread decided to leave the bakery. I heard that they wanted to grow mold together.
Which Led Zeppelin song do realtors love most?
“A Whole Lot Of Love.”
What’s another popular Christmas song that baby koalas like to sing? “Joey to the World”, of course!
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
A gazillion gigantic grapes gushed
gradually giving gophers gooey guts.
A ship wanted to travel from the Pacific to the Arctic
But it just couldn't get its Bering Strait.
Why did the donut go to the doctor?
He was feeling crumby.
*Creating password*
"MTWTFSS_MTWTFSS"
ERROR: [Password two week]
The guy nearly saw a murder when he almost ran over his car over a couple of crows.
What do you call a deer in a storm?
A raindeer
What do you call an illegally parked frog?
Toad.
What do you call an East-European cosmetic?
Nail Polish.
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
Where do otters keep their money? In the river bank!
Which bird is the most contented? The crow, because he never complains without caws.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
I dig you a hole lot.
How many atoms are in guacamole?
Avocados number.
When you offered me love, I lepton it!
How will you make the earth clean? By giving it a meteor shower.
My neighbor had way too many dogs.
It’s safe to say that he had a Rover-dose.
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
What did the mushroom’s sing when they won the closed-cup? - We are the champignons!
Baby flamingos really are badly behaved. I think it’s because their parents never put their foot down.
I used to play triangle in a reggae band but I had to give it up. It was just one ting after another.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
Too bad my serve hit the tape. Well, at least they’ll LET me hit it again.
Linda-Lou Lambert Loves Lemon Lollipop Lipgloss.
Why is the world so diverse? Because it contains alkynes of people.
What do baby ghosts wear on Halloween? Pillowcases.