Is your iPad making you fall asleep?
I can help—there’s a nap for that.
What do you do if a rabbit keeps pooping in your yard? Take him to a pellet court.
Bobby Bippy bought a bat.
Bobby Bippy bought a ball.
With his bat Bob banged the ball
Banged it bump against the wall
But so boldly Bobby banged it
That he burst his rubber ball
"Boo!" cried Bobby
Bad luck ball
Bad luck Bobby, bad luck ball
Now to drown his many troubles
Bobby Bippy's blowing bubbles.
Do you need some encourage-mint?
I saw a mosquito in the kitchen. I could have killed it, but I let it fly away...
That's probably going to come back to bite me later.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
Why do referees always hurry to catch their next flight? Because it's "two
minutes 'fore boarding!"
French fries aren’t cooked in France
They’re cooked in greece.
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur A lickalotopis
A lobster's favorite shot in tennis?
The lob.
Did you see the award-winning movie about a hot dog? It was an Oscar wiener!
A bear's least favorite pastry at any party is the blue bear-y pie.
What is the mermaid’s favorite drink?
A mertini.
When dad died he left me his Subaru.
It was his final Legacy.
A weeping camel is known as a humpback wail.
Never forget how beautiful the mountains are. You don't want to take them for granite.
How do ghouls like their meals?
Runny!
What do you say to an avocado who’s done a good job?
“Bravocado!”
Why should you live a pineapple life? Because Life is sweet.
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
Q: What is the opposite of a cold front?
A: A warm back
Why did you act like that at Thanksgiving dinner? I yam what I yam.
I saw a lady riding a camel and being pulled by a truck... It was a camel tow
What is a bear’s favorite drink?
Koka-Koala.
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed!
What Do You Call A Clever Duck?
A wise quacker
Did you hear about the submarine industry?
It really took a dive...
As long as your dog sticks by your side.
Anything is paw-sible.
I watched a documentary about corn fields
It was really quite amaizeing
I was gonna make a joke about Mediterranean food...
But hummus have missed the mark, and now I falafel.
What do you call an ant who won’t go away?
Perman-ant.
I told the person who was playing my trumpet,
To stop pushing my buttons.
Where did the hamsters invade the beaver colony? Hamsterdam.
Taco Bell overcooked my food
I asked for a brrrr-ito and an en-chill-ata.
Q: What is a peach’s favorite book?
A: War and Peach
They figured it was the best way to break the ice.
I thought I saw some fog yesterday.
But I guess my memory’s a little cloudy.
We’re a perfect mash.
A spectator at a baseball game wondered why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger. Then, it hit him.
Every single morning I get hit by the same bike.
It's a vicious cycle.
"Some bunny needs vodka."
What do witches' cats like to have for breakfast?
Mice crispies.
How do astronauts cook their meals?
With a Space Heater!
If fish is brain food, what do dumb people eat? Noodle soup.
Why did the troll fall back with his army?
He didn't want to be ogre-run by the enemy.
Why didn’t I believe what the cheese salesman told me?
It was too gouda to be true.
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
During the contribution’s session, the mushroom family never gave a lot. They were just two spore.